Lunch With Larry
Sometimes, when the weather’s nice, me and Mart go for lunch with Larry.
Larry’s a Llama who lives in London Zoo.
Larry’s claim to fame was in 2001 he got featured on the front cover of ‘Learning Perl – The Third Edition’:
Hilarious seeing as Larry’s never even sniffed a hard drive, never mind got down to mastering Perl. Right upped his cred when it happened tho.
Anyway, this is Larry with Doug and Frank doing their ‘Check me out I’m a Llama’ dance – fucking funny. Larry – not amused!
And this is me telling Larry my Llama joke:
Me: “Ere, Lazza – why did the Llama cross the road?”
Larry: “No idea Bri, why did the Llama cross the road?”
Me: “Coz it was the chicken’s day off!”
Larry thinks for a while…
Then he just goes: “Fucking Chickens.”
Pissed myself.
Then we had lunch:
I know it looks like we’re tucking into a load of Llama shit – but we’re not. There’s seeds and stuff in there too. Honest.
Brian Jnr At The Pigeon Hospital
Here he is – the little fella gets to The Pigeon Hospital:
Bless his feathers – looks well chilled.
Top joint, apparently. Called Animaline. It’s where loads of London pigeons go to get better. Great menu, choice of single or double room, Welsh Neck Stroke on demand, and totally free. Bring it on. No wonder they keep it quiet. There’d be loads of us rocking up with a limp.
This is the only clue I’ve got as to its whereabouts – and it’s not much:
Thinking I might try to find out tho – maybe volunteer down there couple of days a week…
Could offer some pigeon to pigeon stress counselling. Must be loads of pigeons come out of there a bit freaked, not to mention totally used to the five star life.
Relocation advice would be good too. No pigeon from Hackney’s gonna want to go back to Hackney after all that. Mind you, the place is probably full of pigeons from Hackney – “Oi, lads, head down to Trafalgar Square, lie down, pant a bit, and you too could be going to Animaline!” Wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
Anyway, big up to Brian Jnr, Saint Lady Sue and Animaline – wherever it is…
Pigeon In A Bag!
Heard back from Timbo, and Saint Lady Sue – and this is how the little dude – see post below – got to hospital:
In a paper bag with ‘Tell us what you think!’ written on it!
Pissed myself. If it was up to him, and judging by the look in the eyes, bet it would be along the lines of: “What the fuck am I doing travelling on the 94 bus in a paper bag…?”
Big up to Saint Lady Sue for sorting him out – and naming him Brian Jnr. Cool!
More to come tomorrow as Brian Jnr arrives at The Pigeon Hospital…
Pigeon In A Drawer
A pal, Timbo, sent me this. Cheers, Timbo!
Some mate of his at work rescued a pigeon, didn’t have time to pop home, so she smuggled it through security, and sat it in a drawer for the day.
Have to say, he looks a tad baffled by it all…
Maybe it’s the sudden introduction to corporate life? Standing on top of a load of emails thinking “What the fuck?”. Or maybe he just played sick hoping he’d end up in the stationary cupboard?
She even fed him some peach smoothie. Loved it, apparently. Then she took him home and made him better. Dude!
Love to know how he’s getting on…
Nigel And Ralph’s Shame Up
This is something I do now I know pigeons don’t have cocks – fucking funny. Ask a pal if he knows where his is.
This is what happened when I asked Nigel and Ralph the other day.
Me (shouts): “Ere’, boys! Nige, Ralph – wonder if you can help me out? Any idea where your cock is? Can’t seem to find mine anywhere.”
Nigel (under his breath): “Ralph, mate – any idea where your cock is?”
Ralph (shrugs): “This is a bit embarassing, but not sure that I do. Have a quick look.”
Nigel (muffled): “I’m pretty sure it’s under here… think that’s where it is…”
Ralph: “Try the left one, mate. The left one…”
Nigel (muffled): “Left wing – left wing – ok, I’m under the left – must be round here somewhere…”
Ralph (muffled): “How about in the middle… Jesus. Where the fuck’s it gone?”
Me (shouts): “Any luck there, fellas?”
Ralph (shouts): “Er, not quite Bri…”
Nigel (muffled): “Right wing, right wing… under here… that was it…. Fuck!”
They checked everywhere. I had to hide behind a bush. Nearly pissed myself.
In the end, they just flew off. Didn’t say a word, just flew off!
Chinese Diss the Pigeon – Again
My pal, Goaty, found this – a site where you can see if your url is blocked in China.
Surprise, surprise…
Pigeon Blog is a big fat NO. Outrageous.
Maybe it’s coz I said they love the pig and openly disagreed with the idea of sticking a ‘microelectrode stimulation device’ in a pigeon’s head?
Pigeon Muse
Top pic sent to me by my pal, Fritz Decat. Cheers, Fritz!
Clearly on the way to penning his first novel, or perhaps he’s just wondering how he got to be so big?
Pigeon Blog 