Breaking News: Pigeon Held in India on Suspicion of Spying

The pigeon had a ring around its foot and a Pakistani phone number and address stamped on its body in red ink.

“NEW DELHI — Indian police are holding a pigeon under armed guard after it was caught on an alleged spying mission for arch rivals and neighbours Pakistan, media reported on Friday.

The white-coloured bird was found by a local resident in India’s Punjab state, which borders Pakistan, and taken to a police station 40 kilometres (25 miles) from the capital Amritsar.

The pigeon had a ring around its foot and a Pakistani phone number and address stamped on its body in red ink.

Police officer Ramdas Jagjit Singh Chahal told the Press Trust of India (PTI) news agency that they suspected the pigeon may have landed on Indian soil from Pakistan with a message, although no trace of a note has been found.

Officials have directed that no-one should be allowed to visit the pigeon, which police say may have been on a “special mission of spying”.

The bird has been medically examined and was being kept in an air-conditioned room under police guard.

Senior officers have asked to be kept updated on the situation three times a day, PTI said.

Chahal said local pigeon fanciers in the sensitive border area had told police that Pakistani pigeons were easily identifiable as they look different from Indian ones, according to the Indian Express newspaper.”

Needless to say I shall be attempting to make contact with the poor fuck at the earliest opportunity.

Suspect the prisons over there are well rank, and I bet he’s not even seen a lawyer.

Cheers for the heads up, Lee-Anne!

May 29, 2010. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

When the sun is shining in London, and I know I say this every time, but it rocks. It so does. Sweaty feathers aside, there’s nothing better than waking up warm. Truly. Some of you out there experience this most days. In London, we don’t. That said, Mart reckons he’s got a bit of beak burn. Not good. He’d found a spillage of some factor cream or other, but clearly not a 30. Poor fuck. Couldn’t even open it wide enough to chew on a pecan. Bless him.

It was party-on time all round though. Decided to go check out the scene at Marble Arch. We don’t often hit The Arch due to the fact it’s largely a thoroughfare and therefore attracts all sorts from Edgeware, but we gave it a go today, and it didn’t disappoint.

Began all fairly mellow. Then, as more and more rocked up, the dancing started:

Bill kicked in with “Summer loving, had me a blast”. Know the song from the hit musical, Grease?

There’s Monty second from the right giving it all he had, which wasn’t much.

Then it moved onto some Girls Aloud song I didn’t know:

Neither did Bob or Trevor at the back, seemingly.

There were a few that didn’t join in. Fair play. Not everyone wants to look a twat.

Check out the blue skies though:


I also think this was the moment Chris, second from the right, decided he’d had enough…

Then, and this was genius, Mike goes, “What about Jump? Might as well Jump. Jump!” Remember the old Van Halen classic?

Off he went jumping in the air going, “Jump!”  just as some tourist produces a bread bit:

Totally ignored.

Hilariously, he carried on even though no-one was paying the slightest bit of attention:

“Might as well jump. Jump! Go ahead, jump!”

Everyone got a bit annoyed with him in the end. It’s an irritating song at the best of times.

Anyway, top day had by all. Glad we made the most of the sunshine too seeing as it’s all going to crap again at the end of the week.


May 24, 2010. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

Elephants Everywhere

Kid you not. One day, no elephants whatsoever. The next, they’re fucking everywhere.

It’s hardly as if elephants are synonymous with London. Quite the opposite, in fact.

How many times have you seen an elephant strut its stuff through Soho? Eh?

Unsurprisingly, their sudden arrival was a little bit freaky.

Imagine waking up to this?:


Initially, everyone kept their distance:

Frank was brave enough to get a little closer:

But not much.

Both these are in Soho Square.

Then there’s this one just off Oxford Street:

And check out this eye-less freak in Covent Garden:

A thought struck me –  how come they’re not pigeons?

Large multi-coloured pigeons strategically placed all over London would make a lot more sense, surely?

Maybe next year.

May 16, 2010. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

Brian Pigeon Election Special

This happened last week.

The whole of London was going mental over the election, so we thought we’d join in. Seeing as the state of things seemed to be pretty much all over the place, why not give it a shot? A pigeon for Prime Minister. How about it? No-one would notice.

There are several reasons why, in some ways, we might be more qualified.

Here are five of them:

  1. We are very organised and turn up on time if we have to.
  2. We know what we think and stick to it, especially when it comes to food.
  3. We pride ourselves in our appearance, well most of us anyway.
  4. We look great on TV.
  5. We are always aware of a microphone.

Loads of reasons, really, so we thought we’d give it a go. Strike while the iron’s hot and everyone is confused.

Eddy, Mike, Ron and a couple of others got on the ledge outside We Will Rock You.

Talk about a statement backdrop:

All a bit of a let down in the end though. No-one was listening, then again they weren’t really saying anything of interest, until they started singing We Will Rock You that is.

Fucking genius:

Mike, left, took the lead. Even managed to source a hair piece.

I told them they should go on Britain’s Got Talent and that they were better than the performing dog, or any of the performing dogs come to that.

Crowds started to gather on the roof of a nearby key cutter:


However, great moment though it was, the whole performance kind of missed the delivery of a clear electoral message.

Or did it?

‘We will rock you’ got me thinking. I reckon the message is brilliantly clear. Clearer than any I’ve heard so far and, more to the point, we’ve got a song.

I wonder if Clegg might have got more votes with a song? Or a dance routine? Or a coin based magic trick, perhaps?

Anyway, it’ll be ages before they all get their shit together, so there’s still time. Best get working on a manifesto.

In the meantime, everyone out there get singing We Will Rock You at every given opportunity. In shops, in the streets, in meetings. Get the word out. Additional ‘We will’ at the beginning is optional.

Thank you.

May 10, 2010. Uncategorized. 5 comments.

%d bloggers like this: