Sparrows Espagnol
Wicked. Got the new cam sorted. Out and about with Mart over the weekend – nothing worth sticking up just yet. Need to get to grips with the mega zoom, and stop taking pics like this:
Mart reckoned it was ‘art’. I reckon he was pissed.
Got an email from a couple of Spanish sparrow pals tho. Looks like the lovely Maria is spreading the word – see post below.
Then Mart remembered I had a pic to go with the email:
We called them Dick and Bob – real names were too long and well Spanish. That’s Dick on the left, looking at his dick. He did that all the time – which was why we called him ‘Dick’. He didn’t know that of course and just thought it was because it was short for Richard.
Me and Mart hung out with Dick and Bob quite alot. Right laugh. Turns out the real reason there are no sparrows left in the UK is they’ve all gone to Spain. The whole lot of them are giving it large on the Costas. Dick and Bob weren’t keen and said they were “takings these sexy chick sparrows Espangnol and making the jiggy”. Think they meant they were nicking their shags. Not good. Gives all us British birdlife a bad name. Know what I mean?
Said they didn’t mind the odd London pigeon, but the sparrows were “shouty alot and eats all the chips”.
Anyway – they mailed me to say ‘Hi’ and to tell me that the “beach still rocks the big Juan”. They meant ‘the big one’. I taught them that.
Getting Back Into London
London so rocks in the sunshine – shame it didn’t happen when it was summer. Spent the last few days catching up with pals and waiting for the new cam to arrive. Dougie’s bringing it up from Hove. Says he can’t be arsed till the weekend so guess that’s that. Mart’s been finding it hard being back in London. Says he misses the Sangria – think he may have a problem…
I’ve been thinking about Maria alot – see post below. She sent me an email at the weekend. This is what it said:
“To Sexy London Bri (I taught her that – she learnt well)
I is miss you much (nice).
The feather you brings me I take always places (I gave her a feather from my arse to remind her of me. Looks like it did the trick).
To you kisses and leg-ups, Maria.” (Pretty sure she meant leg-overs. I taught her that too)
Well cute and made me miss her even more – especially the leg-overs! Trying to get her to come to London but she hates the ferry. Makes her puke. Shame.
Anyway, a pal called Pigeon Rachel sent me this. Cheers, Pigeon Rachel!
It’s her and her sister hanging out in Trafalgar Square. That’s her sis bottom left letting one rip, apparently. Bring it on! Pigeon Rachel – let me know when you’re heading back to The Square – love to hang out. Bring your sister too!
Brian Pigeon Is Back!
Jesus Christ. How hard can it be for a pigeon to get home from Spain? Piece of piss getting there. Hitched it on the ferry from Portsmouth to Bilbao. Fucking long sail but worth it for the chips. Mart waited for me in Portsmouth so we could get the ferry together. I tell you – by the time we got there, all the extra weight we were carrying after stuffing our beaks with lard for two days made flying a little tricky. This was the way we went. Pretty much a straight line all the way. No option really.
Anyway – loads to tell but I’m knackered and got some serious catching up to do with pals. Just wanted to let you know I was back and, if you have remembered what I showed you about how to log on and find Pigeon Blog, a big ‘Hi’ to Maria. Miss you already. The lovely Maria. “Maria – I once met a bird called Maria” – that was a song a Spanish pigeon pal called Pedro told me to sing. He said it was a love song from some musical called ‘Pesticide Story’. She loved it. It worked. I met the pigeon of my dreams on a statue in Madrid! Just one slight snag – no pics. None whatsoever. This is why:
Mart had the cam and was taking a photo of Philippe. Philippe was grabbing a siesta next to some fat bloke sleeping on a bench. Philippe let one rip, the fat bloke rolls over and nearly falls off the bench, Mart pisses himself, steps backwards, drops the cam, and accidentally sits on it. The cam is crushed by Mart’s feathery lardy arse. Totally fucked. Managed to get it fixed enough to download the last pic – thankfully not one of Mart’s arse.
This is the last pic:
That’s Philippe on the left. Fart was so loud the bloke on the right heard it. Obv, judging by the look, he thought it was Mart.
Getting a new cam at the weekend. Upgrading to the 2D with top class macro action so it’s not all bad.
Not sure I like the cold over here tho. Kind of got used to the warm. Oh well. Had to come back coz I knew the Boris v Ken scrap would be hotting up. Bring it on. Can’t wait.
Here’s a blog after me own heart: Anyone But Ken!
More From Brian Pigeon (who is still on holiday)
Hello. It is Norman again. Brian sent me another email and has asked me to explain a) Why he is still in Spain and, b) Why he is unable to make posts himself.
These are the answers:
a)
He said this should be fairly self-explanatory. He also asked me to point out that he is staying out of the sun as much as possible to avoid premature ageing of the feathers.
b) He has found a pigeon-friendly Internet Cafe run by a nice man called Pedro. He lets Brian use his computer but only for a little while and only once a week, which means he only has time to send one email. In return, Pedro gets Brian to spell the English versions on his menu. Brian says that because he doesn’t speak any Spanish, and Pedro doesn’t speak any English, really he just makes it up. He thought it was very funny the other day when a big fat family from England came in and ordered 4 x steak and chips but ended up with 4 x small custard tarts.
Brian says he is coming home soon but has heard the Senorita action is ‘hot’ in La Manga, so he’s going to go there for a week. He also says that Mart has discovered Sangria which is not good and means he is sick quite alot.
Brian Pigeon Is Still On Holiday
Hello. My name is Norman. I’m a friend of Brian Pigeon and I let him use my computer when I’m not in my room so he can make Pigeon Blog.
He has sent me an email asking me to put a post on his website explaining why he’s not here to post something himself. He’s in Spain. He says his friend Martin told him he’d gone to Spain ‘on his holidays’, so he thought he’d go there too.
He’s asked me to tell you he is having a lovely time and here’s a photo he sent me of him and Martin with his new friends ‘chilling out in a fountain in Madrid’.
He says it’s warm and sunny and, apart from the language barrier, it’s all going well.
He says he will be back soon but he hears that London has gone all cold again, so maybe not that soon. I couldn’t lie.
He said he’ll send me an email when he’s on his way home, which will probably be next week, unless he ‘bags a Senorita’.
Kind regards
Norman (of Beak Street)
Pigeon Blog 