Shocking Bird News: Chinese Turn Pigeon Into A Robot

This is totally mental. Cheers for sending it Annie, Mumsie and Ryan!

Not only have the Chinese never given the pigeon a year – they’ve only gone and stuck a ‘microelectrode stimulation device’ in some poor dude’s brain, hooked it up to a remote control, and turned it into a robot. Kid you not.

One report says: “Chief scientist Professor Su Xuecheng explained the pigeon does not feel sense of pain at the head and failures will not influence the pigeon’s life. ”

Well – Mr Xuecheng – I’ve got news for you – pigeons get headaches just like every other fucker and suffer badly from a constant fear of failure.

And another says: “The report did not specify what practical uses the scientists saw for the remote-controlled pigeons.”

Jesus Christ. Does that mean they just did it for the crack?

Clearly the Chinese are seriously anti the pigeon. Either that, or it’s down to the pigs – see post below. Maybe they really did invent the microchip and are working closely with the Chinese on developing new and totally fucking useless gadgets? Maybe the whole pigeon robot idea is what got them another year…?

Be alright if they were making a bionic pigeon – just like ‘The Bionic Man’. ‘The Million Dollar Pigeon’ – that could work. A microelectrode stimulation device that turned your average pigeon into Ernest Hemingway, or Stephen Hawking. Or, even better, how about this for a headline: ‘Chinese Super Pigeon Flies At The Speed Of Light’?

But, no, all they did was make it turn left and right while a bunch of pigs in white coats probably stood around pissing themselves. Bastards.

February 28, 2007. Uncategorized.

10 Comments

  1. Becci replied:

    That’s disgusting.

  2. Annie - London Underground Blog replied:

    I keep looking for the reason for doing this and just can’t find any. As you said perhaps they did it for the crack. Anyway you’ll be pleased to know that Peta – the animal rights group aren’t impressed and said

    “Pigeons are not inanimate remote-controlled toys. Manipulating the bains of animals is cruel”.

    http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=39182&in_page_id=2

  3. pigeonblog replied:

    Becci: Totally. Don’t worry though – word’s out and the pigeons in China are up for one serious protest gathering – meeting in Tiananmen Square, apparently…
    Your pal Bri P

    Annie: Good for Peta. Seems lots of people think it’s all a bit shit!
    Your pal
    Bri

  4. Sopwith-Camel replied:

    Gruesome news. But there is a possibility for revenge. I have been running some numbers through a computer simulation, and if all the pigeons in europe were to fly to china and then, on the cound of three, shit in unison from a height of 100 metres, the sudden increase in mass would cause enough seismic waves to give the chinese a hundred-years headache. And a bit of a stink into the bargain.

  5. Howell the Pigeon replied:

    Hello Brian!
    For some reasons SMH also got a photo of the news, don’t know how real that is though.
    http://www.smh.com.au/news/technology/birdbrained-idea-to-control-flight/2007/03/01/1172338774107.html

  6. mumsie replied:

    http://www.bigwoodenhorse.com/73518/index.html

  7. fritz replied:

    Pensive pigeon

    [IMG]http://i16.tinypic.com/3ztihed.jpg[/IMG]

  8. pigeonblog replied:

    Sopwith-Camel: That’s a totally top idea. Only snag is supposing the Chinese get a load more robot pigeons and turn them into Terminator style killer fighting machines. Could be carnage…
    Your pal Bri

    Howell the Pigeon: I saw this pic before – big close up of the poor fucker. No wonder he looks so pissed off! Nasty business.
    Your pal Bri P

    Mumsie: Cheers for the link. Is that really some bloke dressed as a pigeon starring in a musical about pigeons? Jesus!
    Your pal Bri

    Fritz: Good to hear from you, pal. Any chance you can send me that pic again tho? I can’t make the link work…
    Your pal Bri

  9. Valintino replied:

    Hello, Your site is great. Regards, Valintino Guxxi

  10. Chinese Diss the Pigeon – Again « Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] Maybe it’s coz I said they love the pig and openly disagreed with the idea of sticking  a ‘microelectrode stimulation device’ in some a pigeon head? […]

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