Shocking Bird News: Chinese Turn Pigeon Into A Robot
This is totally mental. Cheers for sending it Annie, Mumsie and Ryan!
Not only have the Chinese never given the pigeon a year – they’ve only gone and stuck a ‘microelectrode stimulation device’ in some poor dude’s brain, hooked it up to a remote control, and turned it into a robot. Kid you not.
One report says: “Chief scientist Professor Su Xuecheng explained the pigeon does not feel sense of pain at the head and failures will not influence the pigeon’s life. ”
Well – Mr Xuecheng – I’ve got news for you – pigeons get headaches just like every other fucker and suffer badly from a constant fear of failure.
And another says: “The report did not specify what practical uses the scientists saw for the remote-controlled pigeons.”
Jesus Christ. Does that mean they just did it for the crack?
Clearly the Chinese are seriously anti the pigeon. Either that, or it’s down to the pigs – see post below. Maybe they really did invent the microchip and are working closely with the Chinese on developing new and totally fucking useless gadgets? Maybe the whole pigeon robot idea is what got them another year…?
Be alright if they were making a bionic pigeon – just like ‘The Bionic Man’. ‘The Million Dollar Pigeon’ – that could work. A microelectrode stimulation device that turned your average pigeon into Ernest Hemingway, or Stephen Hawking. Or, even better, how about this for a headline: ‘Chinese Super Pigeon Flies At The Speed Of Light’?
But, no, all they did was make it turn left and right while a bunch of pigs in white coats probably stood around pissing themselves. Bastards.