The Giant Pigeons – Of Bavaria!
Just realised – never did update you on the Somerset trip – see post below.
Fucking funny. Me, Mart & Frank got there – only turns out the massive pigeons taking over the castle are just a bunch of fat German dudes on holiday! Right laugh they were. All the way from Bavaria. Reason they’re so big is they live near a factory that makes Weizenbock – so they just sit and drink beer all day. Lucky bastards.
Got chatting to one of them, named Franz. This is Franz:
I asked him why they’d want to come to some boring as shit castle in rainy Blighty when there’s beer on tap back at home? He said they were starting to loose it over there, big time. It’s strong beer – runs upto 10%. Jesus!
He reckons it’s the wheat in it that turned him brown. I think that might be bullshit though.
Anyway, since they got there, they’ve been on some mad fitness regime – three times round the castle every morning:
Me and Mart gave it a go. Made it round once. Fuck that. Nearly died.
Anyway, we all got on so well they ended up inviting us out to Bavaria for a traditional German beer drinking fest! Bring it on.
Judging on the poor show legging it round the castle, we’re probably gonna catch the ferry. Not sure we’d make it across the channel…
So – we’re off to get bladdered in Bavaria!
Back in a few days – hopefully!
Pigeons Through The Ages – Part Two
Becci found these – cheers Becci!
First off – pigeons in the 1950s:
Check them out. Loving every minute. Don’t blame them. Nothing but total respect all round. Kids telling them jokes and offering them sweets and everything. There’s even some old bird doing a spot of ‘heavy petting’ in the background. Sure she meant well.
Then there’s this – Trafalgar Square pigeons in the 70s:
Right feisty stuff. Must’ve been round the time of the London Punk Pigeons. Bunch of West End dudes who got into a band called The Clash, big time. One of them, who called himself Mick, after Mick Jones (real name was Derek), discovered them when they released their first single, ‘White Riot’, back in 1977.
Used to strut around going: “Pigeon riot, I wanna riot – pigeon riot, a riot of my own”, all the time, apparently.
Soon, loads joined in. Rucking everywhere. Huge ones. Brixton pigeons vs Hoxton pigeons, Notting Hill pigeons vs Hackney pigeons. Kicking off all over the place. Then, round the time of ‘Rock The Casbah’, in 1982, pigeons everywhere realised that everyone loved The Clash, equally – so they stopped rucking, just like that. Some say it was when ‘E’ hit the scene, but that was later.
Mind you, wouldn’t be surprised if the Punk Pigeons weren’t responsible for it all going to shit for us now. Everyone must’ve got well sick of seeing a bunch of fucked up rucking pigeons. Probably where the whole ‘rats with wings’ thing came from.
Maybe if we started strutting around now doing some single from Pussycat Dolls giving it the moves going:
“Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me”…
Maybe if we did, it would all be ok?
Think I’d rather eat my own eyeballs.
Olden Day Pigeon Lovers
Turns out, in the olden days, everyone loved the pigeon. Totally. Big time.
Check these two out:
Apparently pigeons got invited round for tea and chilled out by the fire when it was cold. People gave up their seats for them on busses, opened doors for them in coffee shops, and even tipped their hats and said ‘Good Morning’ when they passed them in the street.
What went wrong?
Anyway – me, Mart and Frank are heading out for a few days. Heard something about some giant pigeons that have taken over a castle in Somerset.
Got sent this:
Scary shit. Note the bloke doing a runner in the background. Mental.
Back in a few days.
‘Flying Pigeon’ – Chinese At It Again
Someone got here by Googling up ‘flying pigeon’, so I gave it a go…
I tell you – the Chinese have got one serious pigeon issue.
First off, they’ve never given the pigeon a year, not ever – then they chop the head off some poor fuck, and turn it into a robot – then they just give a straight ‘NO’ to all things pigeon.
Now it turns out they’ve got some company out there making really shit and embarassing bikes, like this one:
…or how about this one:
Under the name: ‘Tianjin Flying Pigeon Bicycle Co. Ltd.‘
The fucking flying pigeon bike company. Kid you not. I’m outraged!
Pigeon TV – Complete With Fez
Cheers to Fritz for telling me about this on Boing Boing.
A pigeon who got his own TV channel.
See it, LIVE and realtime, hanging out on some dude’s kitchen window. Check it out.
But that’s not all – even better – you can also see it here – with a dynamically added fez!
How fucking cool is that!
Here’s a taster clip of pigeon with fez!
Cheers Fritz and Boing Boing.
Some Ducks Suck
Me and Mart went down to the river the other day. Fancied a bit of a chill.
Came across a right twat doing some kind of duck yoga shit:
Twat.
Then he gets down, looking all pensive:
So Mart goes: “Oi, mate – your arse stinks!”
The duck only goes and checks it!:
Pissed myself.
Duck: “I think you’ll find it does not.”
Mart: “Yes it does, mate, stinks like shit…”
So he checks it again:
I’m on the floor.
Mart: “Really, pal – stinks – have a good sniff – smell it a mile off…”
Clearly starting to panic, he gets his head right in there:
Duck (muffled): “Shit – yeah – does a bit… damn…”
Totally lost it.
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeaks of the Weeeeeeeeek
Check these out:
Just stare at eachother all day, apparently.
Fluffy, weird and best kept in a cage.
Pigeon Blog 