Saturday Afternoon Pigeon Porn
Swung by Trafalgar Square earlier pecking around for some fly-by recruits. Looks like everyone's still partying after we got the all clear. Check out these two. Fucking rude if you ask me. There were kids around and everything.
Him: "C'mon darlin'. You know you want it…"
Her: "No – really – I don't."
Him: "Go on – you're up for it really – I can tell. You're just lovin' the chase… Cooor…"
Her: "No, no – really – I'm not."
Him: "Go on – let me stick it in you. You're gagging for it…"
Her: "No – really – I'm so not – and you're a twat."
Him: "Here ya go – hey up – in… it…"
Her: "Fuck off. It's embarassing."
Him: "You want it really. I know you do. You love the pigeon… "
Fucking funny. He carried on for ages, chasing her around with her having none of it. Fair play. That kind of desperate sex chase never works. I should know! Poor dude ended up looking a right tit. Serves him right.
Found out later his name's Tony and he's just one horny fucking pigeon. At it non-stop apparently. He should check out the action in Chiswick!
Useful Pigeon Book
Mate Fritz sent me this:
Gonna get Norm to print it and stick it on the wall. Wonder if it's still in print?
It’s Friday
Which is odd – coz I keep thinking it's Thursday.
Out and about with Mart earlier and saw something down on The Square which made me piss myself. Maybe it's the new moon, or just coz we got the Bird Flu 'all clear'… but, suddenly, there's buckets of fuckin' nutters everywhere:
Like these two. Utter, utter freaks – Wendy and Jeffrey. Here they are doing their 'routine'. They normally hang near Covent Garden – and call it 'Street Theatre'. She – Wendy – takes the lead – does these high leg lifts – big grin on her beak – and strutts her stuff. Jeffrey just shuffles along behind, sniffing her bum. That's it. Theatre – my arse. Fucking weirdos. Wendy said – kid you not – 'It's an expression of the relationship between the submissive and the dominant presenting the juxtaposition of the male and female relationship'. Eh? I'd say it's two freaky pigeons looking like tits. Jesus. They've been at it for years, apparently.
Pigeon News: Pigeon Auctions So Suck
Googled 'pigeon news' today – thought I'd see what people are saying about the whole 'pigeons don't get bird flu' thing – still fuck all – found this though – Jesus Christ:
Page 1 – number 3 – calling itself 'Pigeons News'.
News – is it fuck! Not even slightly. It's a whole site just for buying and selling pigeons! *Capri made a fair point in the comments – to explain – pigeons get sold for racing and just keeping generally* Kid you not. That's all it does. Buy and sell. No news, no nice pics – just out and out pigeon slavery – and has the nerve to call it 'News' – shit grammer too btw. Any other world and these guys would loose their nuts.
Got me thinking – with all the 'Give Pigeons A Chance' stuff I kinda forgot about my 'Pigeon Auction Petition'! Started it ages ago…
Sign up here if you think the pigeon slavery sucks. If you're not sure – read Alf's story…
This is a mate of mine, Alkee Alf – the mate who found the spinnies the other night. Truth is – reason he's hooked on 'em is he got caught up in the whole pigeon auction racket thing a few years ago.
Poor fucker.
Got nabbed – sold as a racer – and made to race when he'd never done it before. Nightmare. Obv he was really shit, so he kept on ending up in auctions – for years. Then – and this is well sad – he was so shit that one day he had a sticker on him saying 'free' – no price – just free, and still noone took him – so he got chucked out.
Now – coz of all that he started on the spinnies, big style. He's got this mental tick thing going on with his head and, coz he's pissed most of the time, he walks with his legs like this to stop himself falling over.
Anyway – there's Alf's story. See – pigeon auctions suck the big one.
Queen On Her Way To Hayes!
Seriously – kid you not. On Fri 19th May – the Queen and her other half are gonna do a walkabout in the complete shithole that is Hayes. Obv – soon as I heard – headed over to tell my mates. Pissed themselves.
For any newbies to Pigeon Blog – Hayes is where I came from – before I escaped to the West End. Fucking dreadful place.
Thinking of maybe doin' a protest fly-by as a follow up to the protest gathering? Could be a laugh – freak out the corgis a bit…. Might get some cool PR for the 'Give Pigeons A Chance' campaign…
The Day After…
As suspected, a late post after a heavy night – see post below.
Winged it all the way to Hoxton after some Piccadilly eye blurring action to find Elliot had wimped out on the party venue. Twat. Thankfully I’d found this site earlier in the week – a pigeons dream! DerelictLondon.com – a whole list of empty places in London. Figuring Elliot might fuck up, I took a couple of potentials along to be on the safe side – nuts move as it turned out – saved the night.
Ended up here:
Fucking perfect. Great night. Tops. Loads of us in there – probably still are! Even the Brixton boys rocked up. Sang a few songs – badly – Mart did ‘Knees Up Mother Brown‘ in his bestest cockney. Pissed myself. Course we all joined in on the ‘And what a rotten singer too-oo-oooh’ bit.
Then… Alkee Alf – no surprise – found a couple of spinnies – spilled tinnies. Oh dear. All went a bit weird after that. In a good way.
One serious mental scramble for the water this morning – everyone looking well ropey – that’s Mart at the back – he puked just after I took this:
Headed back West and swung by Norms to check comments etc. – too out of it to post. Then – eh? What the fuck? Expected to see: ‘Pigeons Say No To Bird Flu’, ‘Pigeons – Safe At Last!’, ‘Pigeons Of London: “I’m Sorry” Says Mayor Ken’ splashed everywhere…
Jesus Christ – nada – not a thing – nothing at all – not a single mensh, anywhere.
Can’t believe it. Gutted.
So – look’s like that’s another job for Brian Pigeon – let London know WE GOT THE ALL CLEAR!
Anyway – off home now – early one tonight. Still got a bit of a dry beak. Worth it tho.
Pigeons Everywhere Jump For Joy
This is Derek, jumping for joy.
It’s true, pigeons all over the world are out partying, hard.
Don’t want to say I told you so, but I did. Looks like bird flu ‘aint for us after all. I found out yesterday but wanted to check it a bit more before the big ‘ye fuckin’ ha’. Now even CNN are saying it.
Seems they’ve done tests that so far indicate we can only pick it up only when exposed to very high doses. They even squirted it straight into a pigeon’s face. Nada.
“We couldn’t infect the pigeons, to that’s good news” Leading scientist Dr Swayne said.
Good news, Dr Swayne? That’s the best fucking news ever in the history of news, surely?
Anyway, off out now to join the madness. London’s pigeons have gone mental. Not surprised. Looking at a large one tonight.
Still think the mask idea was good. Maybe I can adapt it for chickens? Food for thought.
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak of the Weeeeeeeeeeek
Hmmm – or is she…
The Victoria Crowned pigeon… tbh, think I she's pretty hot…
Cheers for this one mumsie.
This ugly fucker on the other hand…
Is clearly not hot, not even slightly.
Happy Birthday Bill Shakespeare – By Doug
Being William Shakespeare's birthday, knew he had to be out there somewhere. Me and Mart tracked him down. There he was – actor mate Doug – bit of a Shakespeare nut – doing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet:
He did all this:
"Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love!"
Threw himself onto the ground at the end and everything. Fucking hilarious. Pissed ourselves.
Apparently he'd been doing it all day.
He said the scene from "R & J was one of the bard's finest". Said he was gonna wing it to the Globe but thought "the public arena of Leicester Square was a far more appropriate stage from which to honour the greatest playright that ever lived." Yeah Doug, whatever. Sure he'd appreciate your performance just as much as he would your Julius Ceasar!
And… told you so:
Tests: Pigeons Don't Pose Bird Flu Trouble – Mercury News
Pigeons Very Unlikely to Carry Deadly Bird Flu Virus – ABC News
Cool. Been saying so for ages. Ever seen a pigeon sneeze? Thought not. Pass it on.
Give Pigeons A Chance Fly-By 2006 – Update
Quick dash into Norm’s gaff to post a protest update. Starting to feel a bit like Desmond Tutu.
Fucking nuts day yesterday. Sorted a protest gathering follow up meeting.
Here’s some of the boys:
Cool. Wanted to get going on the ‘Give Pigeons A Chance Protest Fly-By 2006’ – working title – tbh prob need something bit more catchy… Any suggestions, let me know in the comments.
Even Michael’s dad turned up – that’s him in the middle. Serious stuff. Brought Wing Commander’ P.R. Geon along – the puffed up dude next to him – bit of a twat tbh – ex PAF. He reckons we need to sort some flying practice out – said there’s nothing worse than “a messy fly-by”.
So – guess he’s right – and that’s the weekend sorted. Mart and me are gonna have to spread the word and get some flying action going on the Square.
Reckon it could be a right laugh!
“Bigeons” by Gabe
"Bigeons" – Love it. Nice one Gabe!
If this is the future for us pigeons – bring it on!
Cheers dude.
Some Hot Austin Lovin’
A pal called Patita sent me this. Austin, USA – obv the place to go to for a leg over…
Check out this dude trying it on:
Mart just said: "Maybe they're 'in luuuurve?". Twat. Are they fuck.
Shame Austin's such a shlep – I'd have a pop – she's pretty hot!
Cheers for that Patita.
Bird News: Sex Change Chicken
Kid you not. Aptly named 'Freaky' starts life as a hen, like this:
Suddenly, she decides she wants to be a cock, and just starts crowing at dawn. Out of the blue. Fucking Jesus. She even grew a big old 'man glove' on her head and started drinking pints, apparently.
All the lady chickens stopped speaking to her. Guess they were a bit freaked out. Fair enough. Then, even worse – there she is crowing like a fella when a rumour starts flying around saying 'she wants a bit of cock' instead of 'she wants to be a cock' – this meant all the man chickens stopped speaking to her too. Terrified apparently. Nightmare.
Not sure how far he/she's gonna push it, but just shows that decisions like this should never be taken lightly. Any pigeons out there thinking of doing the same thing, think again.
Good luck with it all, Freaky – you fucking weirdo.
Protest Gathers Pace. Exciting Stuff
Michael’s Dad got in touch following the gathering the other day. Said he’d send one of his best top notch protest boys to see me. Told me to be on Trafalgar Square North Terrace at eight this morning. Bit fucking early but never mind. Totally worth it. I asked him how I’d know which one was him.
He just said, “You will. He’ll be all in black with a mean look in his eye”:
He wasn’t wrong. Spotted him straight away. This is one serious fucking rock hard pigeon dude who’s been all round Europe, escaped the pigeon Mafia in Italy, even went to LA for the riots over there.
We started off with a bit of a recce on the Square:
That’s me behind him. Pain in the arse Mart just happened to be ‘accidentally’ standing in the background look straight at the camera.
Then we sat in the tree and talked strategy for a bit. Looks like the mass fly by is a winner for now. That plus the ‘Give Pigeons A Chance’ petition drop off to Mayor Ken. Bring it on.
Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak of the Weeeeeeeeeek
No Monday would be complete without… The Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!
Cheers to Julia for this scary mother.
The Romanian Naked Neck pigeon. Jesus. Foor fuck.
Please, somebody, knit him a scarf!
Pigeon Blog 