Takes the pigeon obesity issue to a whole new level. Jesus.
Poor fuck. Someone should’ve put him on the veg a long time ago.
Got send this the other day from some dude called Branden Fuller:
Absolutely are no called for tests, classes, books, or interviews !
Get a Bachelors, Masters., MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma.
Obtain the benefits and applause that comes with a.diploma !
No person is turned down”
Ok – so he doesn’t say ‘No pigeon is turned down’ – which means he may tell me to fuck off… but it looks like all I got to do is ask, and he’ll give me a degree. Jesus. No need to do anything at all – ‘no classes, tests, books or interviews’… Piece of piss!
How about a PhD in Ornithology? What do you reckon – Brian Pigeon PhD – or – what about Dr. Brian Pigeon…?
Got sent this by my pal Londonist Matt – totally mental cartoon about a little bloke called Magical Trevor pretending to cut a pigeon in half. A well catchy tune and fucking funny.
These scary mothers live in Morocco – wherever the fuck that is.
Cheers for sending it, Jemma!
Got a cool email from a pigeon in Montreal the other day called Tigeon. He lives with Saint Suz – the same Saint Suz who runs a restaurant for pigeons – one seriously lucky dude.
Here he is with his – er – ‘friend’?
…and here he is again, with his ‘friend’…
Tigeon – if you’re out there pal – write me and tell me more about your ‘friend’… kinda worrying.
Btw – you tried the famous lightly roasted scattered seed starter yet?
Got sent this from Essex Girl – cheers Essex Girl – a pigeon hanging out in Southend – she thought it might be me coz it totally looks like me…
Anyway, turns out it’s my cousin Simon. He moved down there a while back after he shacked up with Sharon who he met on a daytrip to Hastings. They’re loving it in Southend apparently. Gonna see if I can get him involved in B.A.P. Could do with a rep on the Essex coast…
Essex Girl – let me know if you see him again – maybe he’s on email…?
The less said about this pair of total and utter fucking bug-eyed alien freaks, the better.
Me and Mart were pissing about on Norm’s new Mac – Norm’s the guy who lets me fly in and use his kit – allergic to feathers and bit of a pain in the arse tbh – anyway, we made this with some pics we took on Saturday:
Thinking of doing more now we sussed it – like photo stories – but for pigeons. Mart kinda missed the point and wanted to get a red cape and call himself SuperMart. Jesus.
There’s been a rare sighting of a gang of really small pigeons in a shopping centre in America…
Pissed myself. Cheers for sending it Ryan!
Right – posted about this back in Feb – some bird called Beatriz Da Costa is doing an experiment with a bunch of pigeons. Strapping a camera to them and sending them up in the air over San Jose in California. She wants to get them to measure pollution, that’s if they don’t fucking choke to death. Jesus. Seriously cruel and totally uneccesary. So – this was my idea: ‘The Simple Sniff Test’. Loads better. Get pigeon pals all over to just have a sniff, and tell me what it smells like. Fucking perfect. No cams, no flying around in it, just a quick sniff, and let me know.
Decided to call the whole thing B.A.P. – Brian Against Pollution.
Here’s my first recruit, Eric:
Eric’s from Stoke Newington, London. He got back to me yesterday and said it smelt really bad up there – particularly around the Church Street area.
Right – a pal to the pigeons Genevieve Chua sent me this – totally fucking outrageous . Some artist called Ruth Sacks has been stuffing pigeons.
This is what her website says:
“Her work tends to reconstitute bits of everyday life to create unsettling, idiosyncratic situations. In doing so, she investigates the psychological spaces in between urban street life and designated art environments. Current projects include a series of obese, taxidermised pigeons and glitter print souvenir t-shirts of obscure small towns around South Africa.”
‘…taxidermised pigeons and glitter print t-shirts’ – eh? Stuffed pigens and poncy t-shirts? Fucking mentalist weirdo.
Here’s one of her victims – check out the eyes – totally freaked – poor dude:
Ruth Sacks – your art sucks. Big shout out to all you SA pigeons – just watch your feathery arses.
Talking stuffed pigeons – here’s another one sent to me by my mate Matt from The Londonist:
This poor fuck got cut in half and stuck in The Horniman Museum in Dulwich. Scary shit.
Just stick a bit of garlic up it’s arse, add salt and pepper to taste, and cook on a slow heat for ages.
Bit pissed about this one – BBC did a thing called Sport Relief yesterday with celebrity pigeon racing. Reckon I’ve got to be pretty big on the celebity pigeon front, surely? I may be shit at the flying really fast bit, and prob a bit out of shape, but still.
Here’s one of them, ‘Pam’, hanging out with Davina McCall:
Pam? Never fucking heard of her.
Here’s another nobody called ‘Monty’ chilling out with Chris Evans.
And this one, Alan, is best pals with Gary fucking Linekar. Jesus.
Dunno who won in the end – don’t really care – but I reckon whoever it was is probably sat there right now with a beak full of caviar.
Guess it’s just who you know.