Apologies for the lack of posts but I have, yet again, been stuck under Waterloo Bridge as the worst storm in thirty years hit the UK. Unbelievable. I know you got it a lot worse in places like Florida, but equally I reckon you probably deal with it a whole lot better too. Over here, it’s fucking mayhem. Pigeons getting blown about all over the place trying to land whilst desperately searching for a decent place to sit, preferably one that’s out of the wind. It’s not easy. Then again, with the lack of summer we’ve just had, most London pigeons are getting used to it. Having spent a good few weeks under Waterloo Bridge earlier this year, I almost consider it a home from home.
Saying all that, somewhere hotter and less windy would be nice. So, with a total lack of shit to do other than sit around waiting for it to stop raining, I started looking at where else in the world would be good for a pigeon to live. So far, Delhi is top of the list. Big time. Pigeons over there have got it good.
Not only do they get to live in nice sheltered places like this:
They get their own rooms and can spend their days looking at pigeons like this:
You can read more about it here. They’ve even given the whole thing a name. It’s called Kabootarbaazi. Bring it on.
If only it wasn’t such a long fucking way away, I’d be there in a heartbeat.
Maybe if I slimmed down a bit, disguised myself as a racer and sat in a box outside Heathrow Terminal 4 chewing on a poppadom? Could work?
There were angry scenes outside Stratford Station on Saturday as hundreds of pigeons, made homeless by the Olympic Park, took to the pavements in protest at what they say is a total lack of consideration for the local pigeon population.
I went down to investigate and was met by this lot chanting, “1,2,3,4. We are the pigeons you can’t ignore.”:
Emotional stuff, and they weren’t wrong:
Apparently some of them had been sitting there all night refusing to move:
They do have a point to to make though.
Earlier on I got to speak to one of the organisers, Gary:
“I was born and bred in the East End. Been here all my life. Knew the Krays and everything, and now this.” He said. “It’s not on and something’s got to be done. First they toss us out of our homes, and now there’s no food and nowhere to go when it rains.”
I asked him what it had been like when the games were on.
“Yeah. It was alright. Loads of people. Loads. Food everywhere, but not now. Never seen it so bad. Totally empty. Couple of mates suggested moving into Westfield Shopping Center. Could work. These are desperate times.”
By the end of the day, largely due to the heat and levels of frustration, tempers flared resulting in a massive fly-by over Stratford station. Shit flying everywhere.
Clearly no-one bothered to consider the pigeons of Stratford in their legacy plans.
Personally, I think the council should build them one of these:
Surely it’s the least they can do?
There must be room on the Olympic Park somewhere? A quiet corner where a hot dog stand used to be, perhaps?
In the meantime, if you’re over Stratford way and you see a load of pigeons outside the station, just spare a moment and listen to what they have to say, or just chuck them some bread. Either way, they’ll be happy you cared.
So that’s that then. The Olympics are all over, and it looks like they took the summer with them. Time for the leaves to fall off and the days to get shorter. Bummer. Quite mad that it all ended with the hottest day ever. Hotter than Mexico, apparently. Have to say, and I reckon this goes for all the pigeons in London, it’s been a blast. Never seen so many tourists knocking about. Managed to get at least one game of Shit or Miss in most days.
Here’s Mike preparing for a classic head shot:
Total genius. Even managed some splash back into the Coke.
Next Pigeon Olympics I reckon we should definitely include it as one of the sports.
It has been a rocking summer though, which explains the posts being a bit short on the ground. Just been having too much fun. Never seen so much decent throwaway either, not for years. Everywhere we went in London there was something to be had. Found an entire hot dog the other day just lying there.
So it’s back down to earth now and London already feels bored. Worryingly I saw some Christmas shit in a shop window yesterday. Kid you not. Mental. Christmas shouldn’t be talked about till at least November, surely?
Mart suggested a trip up north might be fun. Not been further than Watford for a long time. Could be fun?
A few of you suggested a Pigeon Paralympics. Unfortunately, and I hate to say it, but we couldn’t muster up enough interest in the end. Most of the disabled pigeons we asked thought we were taking the piss. Even Clubfoot Colin wasn’t happy, although that was probably down to the cider he’s been on all morning.
So, after such a poor response, I’m putting it out there. If anyone knows any disabled pigeons up for a bit of sporting action, let me know. Even getting a team together so they’re ready for next time would be good. One thing’s for certain, Club Foot Chip Toss it would be a great way of raising awareness of the dangers of standing in your own shit for too long.
Moving on, I was talking to Mart the other day about the massive development in Elephant & Castle. The one where Heygate Estate is about to be flattened. Not good, especially seeing as it’s mostly empty and currently home to hundreds of pigeons. Anyway, Mart thought I said they were building a massive elephant. Pissed myself. When I thought about it though, it’s actually a much better idea all round. A massive elephant slap bang in the heart of Elephant & Castle. Genius.