Loads of you sent me this.
Fucking funny. Pissed myself:
Why didn’t I think of doing that?
Check him out. This dude is the absolute nuts:
Mondays suck as a rule. Don’t know why, they just do. Tuesdays are okay, it’s just Mondays. Today, however, was different. It didn’t suck at all. In fact, quite the opposite. Apart from anything else, I managed to catch a bit of random sunshine. Totally random. Didn’t see it coming. One minute, cloudy. The next, sunshine everywhere.
Such was my lightness of mood, I even got to squeeze in a game of WTF.
Chucked the challenge to a few pals down Charlotte Street way. Spotted a slice of green, went “What the fuck?”, and they fell for it.
Couldn’t get in there fast enough:
The one at the front was first. Sunk his beak right in only to find it was a slice of rank lime. Probably been there since Friday.
That’s him on the left half an hour later, still in recovery:
Eventually, he turned to the tomato for comfort:
It took another half an hour for him to see the funny side.
Then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get any better, I spotted this picture of pigeon perfection:
Went over to talk to her. Apologised for interrupting her day, and told her she looked beautiful sitting there covered in sun.
She said her name was Violet and she lived in Kensington, which didn’t surprise me judging by the quality of the plumage.
I asked her if she came here often. She said she didn’t. Then I asked her if she fancied tripping the light fantastic with me sometime? She said she didn’t know what on earth I was on about, and flew off.
It was only afterwards that I realised I had conducted the entire conversation with a large bagel crumb stuck to my lower beak. Class.
Another notch on the door of dating disasters. Oh well.
Onwards and upwards and a good day nonetheless.
Hanging out in Leicester Square today grabbing a spot of bread in the sunshine with Ed and the boys:
When suddenly, out of the blue, up comes this cheeky fuck, and nicks a piece:
Never seen a cheeky fuck like it.
Needless to say, we set off in pursuit:
Which proved both pointless, and knackering:
Totally got away with it.
So we all stood around looking somewhat sheepish picking at the leftovers and pretending like it never happened:
Clearly an out of towner. Probably from somewhere like Croydon.
Bet he’ll be back tomorrow with a flock of mates…
It’s alright tho, coz he was quite small. Tiny, in fact.
Saying that, I don’t want to presume all his mates are going to be equally as small, so I’ll probably hang somewhere else.
Any pigeons out there thinking of Spa-ing it in the morning, don’t.
Be very afraid.
Momentarily breaking away from the squirrels…
Out and about the other day, I found myself suddenly attracted to a rather tasty lovely sunning herself on a statue near Hyde Park Corner. Stunning.
Thought I saw her take a look. Figured I was right in there, so Mart dared me to to make a move.
Here she is giving me what I thought was ‘the coy eye’:
Totally convinced, this was when Mart told me to go for it.
Casual landing, cleared the throat, and shuffled around a bit:
Thought I’d start with the basics.
Asked her what her name was. Nothing. So, I tried again. Nothing. Then, she looks round, and what do I do? Pretend I wasn’t looking.
What I did next, however, was even worse.
I only went and puffed myself up to give me a bit of extra bulk.
Still nothing, despite the puffing:
Shame up. Not remotely interested, so I let it all go. The whole lot.
Then, what does she do? Turns around just at that exact moment. Jesus.
Yet again, I look away, pretend nothing is going on, and that I’m just a casual bystander admiring the view:
Total fucking mess up.
Flew off just after this was taken. Mart was pissing himself. I wasn’t.
Anyone out there got any advice on successful pulling, let me know.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a squirrel rant, but seeing as it’s autumn, it’s got to be done. This is the time of year when squirrels go mad, literally. Soon as the nuts start to fall, they’re off.
Managed to catch this lot in St James’s Park yesterday:
Mental behavior. Leaping around in a nut frenzy. No leaf left unturned.
And this one, same deal:
Thankfully, Eric managed to keep a safe distance.
And check out this guy’s massive nut:
Never seen anything like it. Trying to hide it in tarmac and everything.
Rumor has it they seem to be stockpiling more than usual this year, so Mike agreed to go undercover to investigate.
Here’s Mike, blurred to protect his identity:
“Everywhere I looked, there was a squirrel burying something. I stood in a tree and watched them for hours”, said Mike, who reckons they might be planning on using them as ammunition. “Bet you anything, just when we’re least expecting it, out they’ll come pelting us with conkers, acorns, and the like.”
Food for thought, ‘scuse the pun, and worrying stuff.