Happy Birthday Bill Shakespeare – By Doug
Being William Shakespeare's birthday, knew he had to be out there somewhere. Me and Mart tracked him down. There he was – actor mate Doug – bit of a Shakespeare nut – doing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet:
He did all this:
"Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love!"
Threw himself onto the ground at the end and everything. Fucking hilarious. Pissed ourselves.
Apparently he'd been doing it all day.
He said the scene from "R & J was one of the bard's finest". Said he was gonna wing it to the Globe but thought "the public arena of Leicester Square was a far more appropriate stage from which to honour the greatest playright that ever lived." Yeah Doug, whatever. Sure he'd appreciate your performance just as much as he would your Julius Ceasar!
And… told you so:
Cool. Been saying so for ages. Ever seen a pigeon sneeze? Thought not. Pass it on.