Chinese New Year – The Pigeon Overlooked Again

For years I’ve been campaigning for the Chinese to honour the pigeon in their New Year’s list. Our exclusion baffles me. They’ve got everything from a tiger to a dragon. It’s not even like they’ve given feathers in general the swerve, there’s a rooster in there too. A fucking rooster? WTF? If you believe in that whole Noah thing, without one of us carrying that twig there would be no Chinese. Surely that deserves a nod? What has a rooster ever done for mankind other than make a loud irritating noise when everyone is trying to sleep. Us pigeons don’t join in the dawn chorus because we know that not everyone likes to be awake before daylight, including us I might add.

I first started looking into our exclusion in 2007 when I discovered it was the year of the pig. You can read what I thought about it here. Safe to say, I wasn’t impressed.

Then, in 2011, it was year of the rabbit. I researched this one to find out why a rabbit? I figured they must have done something to earn it. Saved a load of orphaned children from a burning building, maybe? Anything, but no. The best I could find is they can purr like a cat when happy. You can read what I thought about that one here.

2015 has been the year of the sheep, so what next? To my horror, on Feb 19th 2015 we enter year of the goat. Surely not. Okay, goats can climb trees which is pretty clever considering what they’ve got on their feet, but really? Mart did point out they make nice cheese too, which is true, but still.

We figured it was time to take action so while I was in London last week furthering my investigations into the serial killer seagull (or gulls, which is the latest theory), I popped into Chinatown with a couple of old mates. I even got Doug involved. I used to hang out with Doug a lot back in the day. Doug used to be partial to doing impersonations. Click here to see him doing a totally out-of-order one of Heather Mills when she was with McCartney.

Anyway, this is what happened. Please excuse the quality of the photography. Mart took them.

We figured the best route to inclusion on the list would be a sit in. Go into somewhere Chinese and stay there till they give us a year. At the very least we’d get noticed.

As soon as we arrived we spotted an open door heading straight into a packed restaurant. Perfect:

I should point out it was one that proudly advertised crispy duck, another bird that doesn’t get a year despite its food-based sacrifice on a daily basis:

No fucking justice.

I told Doug to go for it, so we did. Soon as we got through the door, this massive foot comes our way. Kid you not, it was huge, so we did a runner, shitting ourselves:

And we kept running, just in case:

Pissed ourselves afterwards, but have also realised we may need a slightly different approach if we want to appear on a Chinese calender any time soon.

Any suggestions welcome.

December 12, 2014. Uncategorized.

7 Comments

  1. Jeckylberry replied:

    You’ve got Buckleys, dear Brian. And the local Chinese eatery is probably not going to have any sway with centuries of traditions. Chances are you got that boot because they’ve already tried really hard to get their crispy duck on there. Besides, ducks are just too funny to take seriously. But all is not lost. You have to infiltrate the system! Change from the inside! The goats are already ahead of you and have been altering the Year of the Sheep to goat for decades! Now people are even calling it the year of the goat. Goats have been diligently and tirelessly plugging away at this so take a leaf because it’s working! Now, if you want to jump in on the Sheep year, you could dress up your petitioners in woolly coats. Pigeons make a sort of baa sound. But I would suggest ride out next year and go for something that hasn’t already been taken. Might I suggest the Rat? I’d rather honour a pigeon than a rat and, not wanting to be offensive, but you guys do overlap in habitat and ubiquity. So, just start being more visible that year, water down the rat references, even become sort of ‘flying rats’ eventually, people will associate the Rat year with pigeons and things will start to slide your way. You may have to do some less savoury things for the cause but eventually they will be forgotten – does anyone remember the cruel setups and dirt digging the goats did? No! All is sweetness. You’ll have to watch the seagulls getting in on it. They’re like that, sitting on the sidelines waiting for an opening. If there is anything I can do, let me know. Good luck!

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Great idea. Bring it on. I did think I might hunt down a goat to see how they did it. Interesting to know it took them a while… Jumping on the back of the rat year is spot on. We could all wear fur coats which may also help to demonstrate we look nothing like rats with wings. Something else I’ve been pushing for a while now. Could be a winner all round. Watch this space! Your pal, Bri.

      • Jeckylberry replied:

        Consult a goat if u can find one that will talk. It’s pretty hard to find one that is passionate and knowledgable. A sheep on the other hand will talk all day about how the goats have been taking over. Sheep are peace-loving, live-and-let -live types so they often get poor treatment due to not standing up for themselves. They also have a reputation for being stupid and follower types. That’s why it was easy for goats to step in as a more charismatic animal. It’s just that they have a very high regard for a strong leader and encourage them by letting them be up the front for a while then they score them. But this takeover of their year is most distressing.

  2. Tina S (@TabbyTalker) replied:

    There is another way of looking at this. Sure the rooster is the cock of the walk but the loudmouth is representing all birds and not just the chicken. The sheep is representing all wild and woolly animals that give great cheese. The rat represents all the rodents est. Catch my drift. Its easy to complain but not easy to see the big picture but then its never easy for a small animal such as your self unless you fly high and think big.

  3. pigeonblog replied:

    I like the sentiment here, but still don’t see why there can’t be a year of the pigeon to represent all birds? Much better than a rooster, unless we’re lumped into the category of rodent in which case that’s no good at all!

  4. Jeckylberry replied:

    No no no. Hang on. Nice idea but…the animals don’t represent animals or groups of animals. We are getting off the track. The animals don’t come into it for themselves. They are part of a horoscope. Besides, there are nine mammals, two rodents, two reptiles, (if you count the dragon), one bird, four farm animals. No cohesive representation at all. After fifty or more years of toil, Pigeons would receive no honour other than being a poster child for people born in a certain year. This is all about getting onto a stamp isn’t it? If you want increase awareness and representation you may want to direct your energies back to a National Pigeon Day. You would be more likely to get fed.

    PS Please don’t ask that pathetic meditation manoeuvre group to put on a display! And tell me they aren’t trying to get onto Idol.

  5. Save Us All From The Pigeons Against Temptation | Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] onto 2015. Forget the Year of the Goat, this year, apparently, is the year of austerity. The year when no-one has anything at all. Scary […]

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