White Pigeons Getting A Hard Time
What an eventful couple of weeks. Mart and I flew to Hyde Park in the pissing rain after another dead skin-less pigeon was found under a pile of leaves. Looked like it could have been there for a while, apparently. The only means of identifying it was by the shape of its toes. Scary shit.
Of course Mart was off straight away pursuing any clues he came across. Basically a pile of random objects including an empty Fanta can, a tooth pick (that he suggested might be the murder weapon!), and a Snickers wrapper. Oh dear. Then a squirrel told him a gull behaving suspiciously had been spotted going in and out of Big Ben. He said the ‘gull in question’ was always there at midday. Of course there wasn’t any ‘gull in question’ but Mart sat under the bell anyway just in case one turned up, and then went deaf for three days.
“All in the line of duty.” He shouted when he got back. Jesus.
In the meantime, during my own investigations into the serial killer gull, I came across another story that I thought would strike a chord for hundreds of pigeons. Racism against white pigeons because they look a little bit like seagulls. WTF?
I met Nancy. Nancy is a white pigeon who lives on the roof of a laundrette in Pimlico and has spent her whole life working in Hyde Park. She told me that ever since the story went national, she’s been getting the cold shoulder and racist comments from her fellow pigeons.
Okay, so Nancy’s white, but she looks nothing like a seagull. Not even slightly:
It’s got so bad recently that she has to eat in private:
Crazy shit. A beautiful pigeon like Nancy eating alone?
Then I heard it for myself:
“Oi. Whiteeee. Show us your white bits!” The one at the back said. Not on.
Pigeons come in all shapes and sizes and versions of grey. It’s got to stop. White pigeons are nothing like seagulls. They can’t even swim!
I told Nancy I’d see her again next week when I go back. Apparently there’s a seagull who’s willing to talk. Says he’s got some information for me.
Bring it on.