Hobbies For Pigeons
I would apologise for not posting for a week, but I won’t because this time it’s not down to the rain. There’s just nothing going on. Not a thing. I’m sure it’s because we’ve all had such a fun-packed summer full of sports and partying that suddenly, now autumn has kicked in and it’s all over, the world feels a bit flat. What the fuck am I going to write about? Today I flew to Oxford Circus, sat on a lamppost for a while, and flew back. Not very interesting, is it? I considered writing about what I’d been eating, but I bored myself with that one too. Jesus. Today I found a raisin outside Sainsbury’s. Well good for you, Brian, you dull fuck.
It’s not just me. Everywhere you look there are bored pigeons desperately clinging to anything they can find to make their day interesting.
For example, take Vince from Bayswater who said he’d been toying with the same piece of chocolate for nearly two hours now and was starting to go slightly mad:
I asked him what made him turn to the chocolate?
“Boredom, mate. I am well and truly bored out of my fucking brains,” he said. “Ever since the crowds left and London got wet and dark again, sweet FA.”
Hobbies. That’s what we need. Something new to learn. Something to get us excited again. Mart suggested water-skiing using lollypop sticks. He reckoned he’d met a goose called Lucy who’d be happy to tow us. Twat. As if that’s going to catch on in winter.
Finding something for pigeons to do in the months ahead is my new mission. Seeing as it’s also the time of year when obesity starts to spread, including some sort of exercise based activity would be good.
I told Vince to ask around. See if any pigeons he knew had any suggestions, but I think he was so obsessed with his piece of chocolate by this point he wasn’t really listening:
So let’s get our heads together to help pigeons like Vince fight the boredom.
Decent hobbies for pigeons to keep us active both physically and mentally.
Any suggestions, let me know. Your input would be much appreciated.