Hobbies For Pigeons

I would apologise for not posting for a week, but I won’t because this time it’s not down to the rain. There’s just nothing going on. Not a thing. I’m sure it’s because we’ve all had such a fun-packed summer full of sports and partying that suddenly, now autumn has kicked in and it’s all over, the world feels a bit flat. What the fuck am I going to write about? Today I flew to Oxford Circus, sat on a lamppost for a while, and flew back. Not very interesting, is it? I considered writing about what I’d been eating, but I bored myself with that one too. Jesus. Today I found a raisin outside Sainsbury’s. Well good for you, Brian, you dull fuck.

It’s not just me. Everywhere you look there are bored pigeons desperately clinging to anything they can find to make their day interesting.

For example, take Vince from Bayswater who said he’d been toying with the same piece of chocolate for nearly two hours now and was starting to go slightly mad:

Not surprised.

I asked him what made him turn to the chocolate?

“Boredom, mate. I am well and truly bored out of my fucking brains,” he said. “Ever since the crowds left and London got wet and dark again, sweet FA.”

Hobbies. That’s what we need. Something new to learn. Something to get us excited again. Mart suggested water-skiing using lollypop sticks. He reckoned he’d met a goose called Lucy who’d be happy to tow us. Twat. As if that’s going to catch on in winter.

Finding something for pigeons to do in the months ahead is my new mission. Seeing as it’s also the time of year when obesity starts to spread, including some sort of exercise based activity would be good.

I told Vince to ask around. See if any pigeons he knew had any suggestions, but I think he was so obsessed with his piece of chocolate by this point he wasn’t really listening:

So let’s get our heads together to help pigeons like Vince fight the boredom.

Decent hobbies for pigeons to keep us active both physically and mentally.

Any suggestions, let me know. Your input would be much appreciated.

October 9, 2012. Uncategorized.


  1. Ali from the Pally replied:

    The ONLY decent thing about winter is the skating at Ali Pali when the lake freezes over. Big problem however is all the fucking immigrants at that time of year – muscling in on my territory like they own the place and making me have to peck at 5 pecks/second instead of the leisurely 2.5 pecks I usually adopt to get my fair share. Why can’t they stay in their own parts of London. Admit that it’s quite handy having a lardy Canada goose to pile into if the skating gets out of foot.

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Tried skating once. Disaster. One foot went left, the other went right. Couldn’t sit down for weeks.

  2. Josh replied:

    Rambling. Tiffany & Nigel are regulars here at Cartoon Manor, as you know (slightly obsessively so, if you ask me). But they do like to ramble, up and down the lawns, along the borders, taking in the many sights we have here. I have a feeling they are worm spotting too.

    Now there is another time consuming hobby. No kit needed, just hop down to your nearest lawn and get your head down. Hours of fun. Not for the worms tho’.

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Rambling’s a good one. Great way of encouraging a bit of countryside exploration. You’d be amazed how many uran pigeons have never even been outside the M25.

  3. dalecooper57 replied:

    Dove bombing – dropping substances of your choice on the flouncy bastards from the air. More points for hitting them from height, or if they’re also moving.

  4. Josh replied:

    Paragliding. Ok, it may not sound like as obvious hobby for pigeons but Sid from Richmond is passionate about it.

    I am not sure I approve as it is, well, a little violent. Sid says there are far too many parakeets around plus he hates them.

    He says you find a dozy ‘para’, fly up behind it and then land as heavy as you like on its back and hope to glide somewhere rough, like a tree or a fence, or even better a compost bin. The parakeet takes all the strain and you can hop off any time you like.

    Hmm. I haven’t actually seen this in action so he may be spinning me a yarn, but I have seen him get very annoyed by parakeets.

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Love this. Only snag is the racket those birds make. Jesus. Ever heard it? Ear plugs would be a must.

  5. Glen Turner replied:

    You could have a pigeon dance competition, pigeons have some wicked moves, you could have them throwing shapes on trafalgar square? That would kill some time!

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Pigeons Come Dancing. Genius. Got a few pals who like to throw a few moves.

  6. talwin replied:

    Mention of parakeets has me thinking, you could learn a few words of english: would be great to encourage tit-bits from tourists. You could give your efforts a name; say, pidgin english.

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Talking to tourists is something we’ve been trying for a while, but they just don’t get it and always presume it’s food related.

  7. Lindsey replied:

    How about relay races? I’ve been told pigeons are pretty fast on their feet.

  8. Bill replied:

    Don’t migrate to Australia – despite it being mid Spring and climate change being a load of pigeon shit (according to some of our politicians) it is snowing outside my window as I write this and the forecast is for more of the same. It reminds me of the Yorkshire Moors in mid December 1975.Bloody miserable !!!

    • pigeonblog replied:

      Snow? No way. Don’t worry though, mate. The weather’s fucked here too. We’ve suddenly had loads of sunshine recently having been without it all summer. Only snag is now it’s too cold to sit in.

  9. Emily Bamford replied:

    U could play the game where u fly down the road and see how meany cars u can poo on and lorries the one u played on youre way to Briton

    • pigeonblog replied:

      There’s always time for a bit of shit or miss. Maybe get some workshops going for the younger less experienced pigeons?

  10. LunSei replied:

    Vince!! Chocolate is unhealthy for birds!! Stop that!!

    So how about hopping up and down a set of stairs to see which can do it the fastest? It keeps you in shape and it’s competitive.

  11. pigeonblog replied:

    Stair hopping. Now that’s a new one. Piccadilly Circus would be perfect…

  12. jean grundy replied:

    Fire Escapes and old bored/lonely women. And you have to be a bit Fearless. you land on the fire escape and make the old bird notice you(old human bird ha) and then you just sit and give her they eye. Just look at her and she’ll open the window and if youre lucky you’ll get peanuts. I once ate 51 at one go. Couldn’t fly off, had to just sit with my throat sticking out like a cushion. Bloody great. Slept for 3 days then. I’m Posh Pigeon by the way, got 4 rings on me feet, escaped from a breeder. All the boys fancy me.

  13. What I’m reading #83 replied:

    […] seen – sorry, referenced – here in March. It is the funniest blog by a pigeon I have ever seen. Herehe is on possible hobbies for bored pigeons. The comments are outstanding. Quote […]

  14. luckjes112 replied:

    So… You’re a pigeon too, eh? I used to be human… But… I don’t wanna talk about it! Just saying never to trust a mad scientist!

  15. What I’m reading #83 | Dj Matioka Blog replied:

    […] seen – sorry, referenced – here in March. It is the funniest blog by a pigeon I have ever seen. Herehe is on possible hobbies for bored pigeons. The comments are outstanding. Quote […]

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