Enough Of The Rain Already, And A Spot Of Shakespeare

If there’s one thing that gets us pigeons, it’s too much rain. Enough to create puddles suitable for washing or drinking, fine, but this? We’re talking rivers running down pavements. The sort any pigeon new to water might actually drown in. Really. For those of you who follow me on Twitter, I’ve just found this. A rather handy detailed link on how to build an Ark. If any of you fancy giving it a go, let me know. I’d love to be one of the two pigeons. I would suggest Mart as the other one but it would depend on how long we’d be on the Ark for. Several months of eye-spy on an Ark with Mart would be enough to send any pigeon totally mental.

He started again this morning. There we are sitting on our ledge in the pissing rain, thankfully undercover, and he goes “Eye spy with my little eye something beginning with ‘R'”

Yesterday it was ‘Road’, today it’s ‘Rain’. You get my drift.

Anyway, back to the Ark. If anyone doubts that pigeons might be useful on board such a vessel, this is the advice from the link above on what to do when the rain finally stops:

• Wait for the ark to stop moving about for a period of 40 days. This is a sign that the ark has hit land.

• Open the roof window and send out a raven to reconnoiter for dry land.

• Send out a dove to look for signs of vegetation. If none are found, wait seven days and repeat this step.

• Remove the outer covering entirely and check for dry land. If the land appears dry, wait for the word of God instructing you to leave the ark.

First off, I think 40 days might be a bit excessive. Surely 10 is enough?

Second, I reckon a pigeon would be just as good at spotting land as a raven. Surely? Better, even. What makes ravens more qualified? They don’t even do homing.

Third, and probably the most relevant, a dove is little more than a white pigeon. Enough said.

Fourth, if the Ark has been traveling for several months, and then we have to wait another 40 days till we come out, let’s not wait for God to give us the green light. We could be there a very long time. Supposing he’s busy with other shit?

All that said, I’d still rather be one of the pigeons on board. Make the other one a dove if you have to. Thinking about it. Could be fun…

As for the seriousness of the matter, it’s serious alright. Check this out if you don’t believe me. The BBC weather man says it’s probably going to rain forever, or at least for the foreseeable. Jesus.

Moving on from the weather before I bore myself, I wanted to share this. Went looking for Doug on Monday. Remember Doug? My thespian pigeon pal who loves nothing better than a bit of Shakespeare? I knew he’d be out there somewhere on the Bard’s birthday giving his all, and he was.

He found a prime spot too. The base of Eros on Piccadilly Circus.

Here he is performing a classic from Macbeth – Act 5, Scene 5, apparently:

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”

I did suggest something a little more cheery might be in order, considering the weather. He ignored me, and did all over again. Far as I know, he did it for 8 hours straight. Any pigeon performing a speech from Shakespeare for 8 hours solid had got to be a record, surely?

Good work, Doug. The Bard would be proud.