Violent Clashes Today In Richmond
There was a dramatic scene today when a row erupted between a rabbit and a blackbird. A breakaway group from Kingston who call themselves ‘The Birds Of Extreme Freedom’ – needless to say, they didn’t want to be identified – spread the word we’d be joining in with our own ‘wild and angry protest’, in Richmond Park. “Go’loot a few rabbit holes”.
For fuck’s sake.
I went along to cover it only to find literally five blackbirds had rocked up from Syon Park:
They weren’t even that angry and, frankly, just looked a bit confused.
One of them had a go a rabbit hole:
Rabbits just said, “Fuck off. We’re eating.”
Then he only went and hid being a hill. Ridiculous:
That was it. Total waste of time.
Location aside, another reason no-one else turned up was we’re all looking for fucking ledges out of London. As I tweeted this morning, hundreds of pigeons are arriving from all over looking for a safe place to kip.
Bumped into a load from Croydon.
Some were even prepared to risk the spikes:
“Any old ledge will do, so long as it’s not on fire,” one of them said.
Frankly, I’m not a big fan of the Croydon lot, but you’ve got to feel sorry for them. Lost everything, apparently.
So, that’s it. Rest assured there won’t be a singe pigeon involved in any rioting that happens tonight.
You have my word on it.