The Trouble With Pigeons In The Heat
So that’s it then. Summer’s just the two days this year. Fucking ridiculous.
Here are some of the memories of last summer (i.e. the day before yesterday).
Went down to Brighton as it seemed the obvious thing to do on a hot summer’s day. Turns out every other fucker had the same idea it was that obvious. Sky was full of all the worst pigeons I’d ever seen, and all heading to the seaside. Mental. Should have heard the noises some of the were making. Jesus. I reckon a fair few had never even left their ledges before never mind played Shit or Miss on the M25.
Not seen the Brighton Road so full up for a long time. Beak to tail it was most of the way, particularly when the hot dog van came into view.
Got there, and it all started out fine. Boiling hot, walking around on the beach, when we could find a space big enough to land on that was. Managed to avoid the nightmares most of the time. Couldn’t understand what they were saying anyway. Then, soon as I got chatting to a pigeon from Hove called Steve who suggested ‘hanging out at the station for a while’, it all went a bit weird. His said it was getting near to home time for the Londoners, so not a bad spot for the odd chip or two.
Turns out it was so fucking hot in there it was almost unbearable. Stifling. Talk about bringing on a feather sweat. Pretty soon everyone started to get a bit bored and irritable, even after the slightly ridiculous ‘Help, Help. We’re being chased’ routine from Mark and Gary:
Then, Gary goes “Chips!”, and flies off faster than I’ve seen a pigeon fly for a long time. Here’s Mark trying to keep up:
And then, carnage, and all over about five chips:
Total and utter carnage:
Serious words going on bottom left. Not sure Mark appreciated the nudge.
Dave, on the other hand, grasped the perfect opportunity. Fair play. He was pretty quick off the mark.
Then the chips ran out, and it was all over in about ten minutes. The atmosphere went a bit flat after that, so Mart and me headed back to the Smoke.
My conclusion is, I’m not sure how good serious heat is for pigeons. Really. It’s great fun in moments pretending we live in a tropical climate, and I know I wang on about the rain a lot, but I actually think too much heat can make us go a bit mad. Know what I mean?
Saying that, chip stress aside, it was a top day out. Probably gonna keep in touch with Gary and Mark too.