Year Of The Rabbit. WTF?

Yet again the pigeon has been bypassed by the Chinese. Thrown a large swerve-ball in favour of the rabbit. Eh? Year of the fucking rabbit? Last year it was a tiger, year before that, an Ox. Before that it was a rat, then a pig, then a dog, then a rooster, a monkey, a sheep, a horse, a snake and a dragon. That’s pretty much every animal on the planet covered, and not a pigeon in sight. There’s even one in there that doesn’t exist. Totally made up. A dragon. Jesus, Chinese people. Where’s the pigeon in all this? Surely we’ve done enough good things now to make the list? I’d say we’ve certainly done more for the planet than most of those, with the possible exception of a sheep, and maybe a tiger. And really though, a rooster? At least a rabbit looks alright with the fur and the ears. Who wants to spend a year looking at a wrinkled old bird face wearing a fleshy man-glove? No thanks.

We were gonna head down to Chinatown on Sunday to watch the celebrations but couldn’t face all the smug rabbits looking at us with their pitying eyes. Mart suggested we should interview one. See what their pov is on the whole affair. I think I know where one lives. A massive one locked away in a cage, probably for its own safety. May swing by later. See what it’s got to say for itself. In the meantime, I thought I’d try to get to the bottom of what rabbits have done to make them so special.

As expected, there isn’t much out there apart from the fact they shag a lot. If all you need to get a year is a healthy libido, I know a few pigeons who deserve a fucking decade.

Here’s one fact I found: A list of the most famous rabbits. Funnily enough, bar one, all of them are fictional. Where are the life saving rabbits of WW2 ducking the bullets carrying messages to the front line? Eh? Nowhere to be seen, unlike the pigeon.

And here’s another: ‘Rabbits can purr like a cat when happy.’ Wow. Purr like a cat. Well done. Genius. Here, have a whole year to celebrate the fact you can do a half decent cat impression. I should send the Chinese my mate Doug doing his.

Here he is last summer doing it. Meowing for hours he was:

Fucking funny.

How about: ‘The average weight of a rabbit is between 2-20lb. The heaviest ever recorded weighed 26lb 7oz.’ In my view, obesity should not be celebrated under any circumstances, especially in this day and age. If anything, the rabbit should be stripped of its year to promote healthy eating. I don’t think openly celebrating an animal that regularly suffers from weight gain sends out the right message at all.

Finally: ‘The longest jump featured in the Guinness Book of Records was 3 metres.’ Okay, that’s not bad for a single jump, but what about finding your way home by flying across the Atlantic? Bet if you gave a rabbit a canoe it couldn’t even navigate its way to Calais, and that’s basically just a straight line.

So, for the last time, let’s do it. Let’s give the pigeon a year. 2012. Year of the pigeon.

Bring it on.

February 8, 2011. Uncategorized.

9 Comments

  1. Pigeon Rachel replied:

    You not tweeting anymore Bri?

    Thankfully, I still check in every couple of days.

    Maybe you could write to Boris? You could represent London at 2012? Or carry messages about, and work with the emergency services?

    The Chinese can get stuffed. LONDON!

    I’m going to sleep on it, but I think it’s a no-brainer.

  2. Fritz replied:

    Yes bring on the year of the pidgeon

    The world is ready

  3. Fritz replied:

    Year of the Pigeon

    Corrected

  4. Frankie the makee mankster replied:

    * raises wing aloft *

    ” Power to the mankee’s ! ! ”

    Shortly being followed after by a Granny swinging her handbag in the pigeons direction.

  5. Mo replied:

    Dear Brian – totally agree re year of the pigeon for 2012.

    In the interim have a read of the Rogue Agent Series of books by K E Mills (first one is called the accidental sorcerer). The heroine of the books is actually Reg the pigeon – she is a princess from many centuries back who was hexed by her dastardly husband. Not only does she save the day repeatedly but she has all the best lines!!

  6. pigeonblog replied:

    Pigeon Rachel: Love the idea of us getting involved in the Olympics. Did you know that in WW2 they had a whole load of us standing by in case the telephone network went down? Bit like an olden day internet. Will get on the case with Boris. He owes us pigeons anyway.
    Your pal
    Bri

    Fritz: Bring it on. Absolutely!
    Your pal
    Bri

    Frankie: Fancy some Olympic action? Bit of messaging perhaps?
    Your pal
    Bri

    Mo: I’ll check it out. She sounds like a right sort.
    Your pal
    Bri

  7. China Loves The Pigeon Afterall « Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] Loves The Pigeon Afterall A few weeks ago I wrote about how the pigeon deserved a year in the Chinese calendar. Well, it seems we might be one step nearer. The People’s Liberation Army are about to embark […]

  8. 2015 – Year Of The Pigeon, Surely? | Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] I raised the issue that every other animal has it’s own Chinese year, so why not a pigeon? I brought it up again in 2011 when it was the rabbit’s turn, and still no year. I mean we’re talking rat, ox, pig, rooster, the list goes on. 2014 is, I’ve just […]

  9. Chinese New Year – The Pigeon Overlooked Again | Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] Then, in 2011, it was year of the rabbit. I researched this one to find out why a rabbit? I figured they must have done something to earn it. Saved a load of orphaned children from a burning building, maybe? Anything, but no. The best I could find is they can purr like a cat when happy. You can read what I thought about that one here. […]

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