Rapid Rise In Alcoholism In Birds
Looks like drinking is fast becoming a big issue in the bird world, particularly in Romania where dozens of starlings fell out of the sky last week. Initially it was thought bird flu was to blame till scientists discovered the birds were hammered. Utterly trolleyed. Mashed to the eyeballs. So pissed they forgot how to fly, and just fell out of the sky.
Worryingly, in the last month similar incidents have happened in the US and Sweden.
I put it down to the rather unhealthy habit of giving up alcohol in January. Starlings are renowned for their propensity to drink heavily all year round, just not in January. My theory is that kind of all or nothing approach just doesn’t work. What probably happened was one of them suggested, “Just the one. Can’t do any harm. I won’t drink tomorrow. I’ve done really well this week. Just the one won’t hurt…”. But instead of it stopping there, it carried on and on into the early hours.
Inevitably, as this is what always happens, what started out as ‘just the one’ ended up as a massive binge where the entire of January’s alcohol allowance was downed in one sitting. It’s just not good for the heart, something this load of starlings learnt to their detriment.
So, any birds out there thinking “Just the one. Go on. Just the one”, think again.
Casual drinking from time to time is fine. Being mildly pissed on a Tuesday afternoon is fine too. Being so fucked out of your head you forget how to fly, not good.
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