Interview With Dog Judo Roy – An Easter Treat
Managed to get in touch with Roy who was totally up for squeezing an interview into his busy schedule – a heady mix of Judo practice and filming the most excellent Dog Judo – see post below.
He was especially interested after I mentioned the squirrels and their penchant for Kung Fu. He hates Kung Fu.
Top day all in all.
Here’s a picture of me and him shooting the shit:
Nice one. Hopefully we’re gonna hook up again in the next couple of weeks.
And here’s the interview:
How did you get into Judo, and how long did it take you to learn?
Some people get into Judo, and some people just are Judo. I was already Judo before I even knew what Judo was. I was throwing people on the floor before I was even born – metaphorically at the very least.
Most Judoists will tell you that one can never really ‘learn’ Judo, and that we are constantly learning Judo with every new heartbeat. I’ll give a different answer though, and say five years.
Are there any masters out there you base your moves on?
My Judo hero is Dr Smackero Nakata. He was the man that capitalised the J in Judo.
Without him people would still use a small ‘j’ when writing Judo, and it would be no different to trivial words such as juice, just, jettison, jurisdiction and Jeremy.
Tell me about Rexley. Do you live together? Isn’t that a bit weird?
I don’t want to compare living with Rexley to having an incurable disease, but the fact that I even mentioned an incurable disease in my answer should give you some idea of what it’s like.
I woke up from a dream last night screaming ‘devil’s paint-roller!’
I don’t know what I was dreaming about, but you’ve got to assume it was Rexley.
The devil’s paint-roller doesn’t describe him perfectly, but it’s a good start.
Has he ever beaten you at Judo?
Brian, I can honestly say no.
What about the ladies? Now you’re a TV star, do you struggle with all the attention?
I’m getting one hell of a lot less attention than I thought I might.
Sometimes I write something really wise on my Facebook page and I’m waiting for someone to ask me out as a result – but it’s actually never happened.
I would politely decline any female advances, of course, as I am still romantically disheveled with Florence.
How’s it going with Florence? Are you planning on taking it all the way?
Florence is an excellent girl, but I’m having trouble getting in touch with her.
Last time I spoke to her the call was cut short because she was on a train going into a tunnel. It was only later that I remembered I had called her on her land-line.
How often do you practice, Judo that is?
I practice Judo every chance I get.
Rexley is a massive mug and shouldn’t be allowed to wear a Judo suit, but he does wear one – so I keep trying to do Judo with him. It never works out, and I end up booby trapped or covered in paint or some nonsense like that.
I spend a lot of time practicing my one-man-Judo-show though. When I’ve arranged some funding for it I’ll take it to a wider audience.
Do you meditate to get into the zone?
Meditation is clearing your mind of thoughts and emptying your brain. I know some Judoists that do that by watching Big Brother, and I know some Judoists that do it through meditation.
Personally, I don’t want an empty mind. I like to think and remember my thoughts so I don’t have to think them all over again.
Fill up your mind with Judo thoughts, is my advice.
When you piss, do you count it as a stretch?
I’m a toilet urinator. The only problem with using the toilet is your tail can sometimes get wet in the bowl – but that’s the cost of being civilised, and it’s a small cost.
Do you listen to music when you work out? If so, what’s on your playlist right now?
I used to only listen to Judo themed music – but the best bands don’t seem to make Judo themed songs, so I’ve broadened my listening.
I’m currently playing the new album by Buffalo Springfield quite a lot, ‘Last time Around.’ It actually came out in 1968 so it’s not new, but it’s the newest one they’ve got.
It’s not good to listen to music while doing Judo though, as you find yourself doing it in time to the beat and it becomes easy for your opponent to read your moves.
How do you keep fit, and do you have to watch what you eat?
I keep fit by imposing taxes on myself. Watching Judo on TV is my favourite thing – so every time I watch the Judo on TV I make myself run around the block and do 100 sit-ups.
There’s never any Judo on TV though, so I’m quite safe.
What do you eat, and who does the cooking?
Me and Rexley’s favourite food is Meat Sprinkles and sweetcorn.
I do all the cooking, as Rexley would burn the place down – literally. On purpose.
I don’t know if you’ve heard about squirrels getting into Kung Fu, but they are. I also hear you’re not a big Kung Fu fan. Why is that?
I’ve heard about the squirrels, yeah. It doesn’t really surprise me.
Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas opened up an ancient martial art to the novelty-record crowd. Kung Fu then got diluted as hobbyists took it up in their thousands – and it was already suffering from being not very good. The Douglas death spiral.
What’s the difference between Kung Fu and Judo?
I don’t often quote Rexley, but I think he summed it up when he once stated: “Kung Fu is sillybilly gear.”
I’m thinking about taking up Judo, any tips?
Read Judoism by Smackero Nakata. He’ll tell you all you need to know, and I can tell you the rest.
Are there any particular moves you could pass on that might be easy for a pigeon to get to grips with, bearing in mind the wings and short legs?
I don’t want to over complicate it, as that can sometimes put people off before they’ve even began. So I’ll keep it simple… just go up to people and throw them on the floor.
How should I get started?
Always start with good eye contact. A respectful nod of the head. Make sure you’ve got your Judo suit on. Throw them on the floor.
Do you teach? Would you be willing to give me a lesson?
I’d be a great teacher, and I’ll certainly be very glad to help you out with some Judo lessons.
Ignore any rumours you hear about the display I gave at the church hall – the general public are generally idiots. They weren’t ready for my proud Judo – but I think you are, Brian.
I see you’re a fellow blogger? How did you get into that?
I got into blogging quite by accident. I was always a bit of a technophobe, but one Sunday Rexley stapled me to a chair that happened to be in front of a computer. I turned it on and typed in ‘help.’
Help never came, but I had lots of time to explore Judo sites and Facebook and the rest. The internet is pretty good, in my opinion.
Do you get any emails from weirdos wanting to be your friend?
I used to think that anyone wanting to be ‘friends’ with someone they didn’t know was a weirdo, but now I think anyone that doesn’t want to be my friend is a weirdo.
I don’t mean to come across as big headed, but I have spread a lot of Judo wisdom around the internet.
Have you ever had a stalker?
There are some loyal Judoists on my Facebook page but no stalkers. Saying that, there are a couple that I wouldn’t let babysit.
Where do you hang out when you’re not doing Judo?
When I’m not doing Judo I’m often in the Judo shop looking about and striking up conversations.
I also play the guitar. I’ve been writing a song called ‘Judo I’m Crying’ which is well worth a listen. Keep your ears open for that.
Do you get free cable seeing as you’re powered by Virgin?
It was rumoured we were getting free cable, and there are lots of new wires going into Rexley’s room.
Last time I followed a wire into Rexley’s room I got caught in a bear trap.
Is their broadband as fast as they say it is, really?
It can transmit stuff as fast as I can type, so it’s definitely fast enough for me.
I’ve never had a problem uploading pictures either (other than some ignorant comments from non-Judoists about having flopsy ears and a long face.)
How do you keep your hair so shiny?
I’m a showerist. I shower every morning, even if I haven’t sweated.
Have you ever had a pedicure?
Do you sleep in your Judo gear?
Cheers, Roy. Beer soon?
He didn’t say anything after that, but I’m sure he’d be up for it.
When we said goodbye, he volunteered one final pearl of Judo wisdom: “Good luck with the squirrels. Throw them on the floor”. Wise words indeed, Roy. Cheers for the interview. Look forward to hanging out again soon.
In the meantime, I’ll get practicing my ‘throw them on the floor’ technique, although I suspect it’ll be more ‘tripping them up’ than anything else. Not sure how I throw with wings? Any hints and tips, let me know in the comments.
If you haven’t already, check this link for the latest Dog Judo. Pissed myself.