The Humour Of Swans, And Happy New Decade

Decided to head back to Richmond yesterday. See if I couldn’t hunt down some of the pals I made during last week’s start of the next Ice Age.

Anyway, I couldn’t find any of them anywhere. Maybe they’ve flown south? Thinking about it myself, although I’m not so sure Brighton is any better, and I can’t be arsed to fly further than that. Done the Channel before. It’s not nice, and ferries aren’t an option. David Walliams can vouch for that. Chips aside, they’re always a nightmare particularly this time of year.

So, seeing as The Bridge was dead with no-one about, I decided to hit The Park with Mart. I’d heard one of the swans on the ponds gave a wicked retort. Seeing as we’d gone all the way down there, I had to think of something. Mart accused Richmond of being boring last time. I wanted to prove him wrong.

Thankfully, I found a couple of brown geese giving it large to one of them.

I only hoped it was the right one. It was. Phew:

And, I tell you, it didn’t disappoint.

Geese go, “Oi, Whiteee!” Shame they couldn’t think of anything more interesting to say, but there you go. That’s geese for you.

For a bit of context, normally swans tend to ignore the jibes from other birds. They’re used to it (‘Queen Lovers’ and all that – the monarch that is, not the band).

This time though, instead if his normal ‘float-on-by kind’ of attitude, he right shed his feathers, and lost it:

‘What did you say? Geese? Sorry, ‘Brown’ geese… What did you say?’

The fact he had a posh accent made it worse. Geese were totally taken aback.

‘Er, nothing. Quick, Jerry. Out of the water!’

And then:

‘Shit, Jerry. Leg it!’

Mental. Geese shat it, literally.

But then, the best bit.

Swan starts swimming off, gets round the corner, and laughs his head off:

Only turns out he was taking the piss. Totally unlike a swan to take the piss, but there he was, absolutely ripping it.

Got round the corner:

Pissed himself.

Geese were left standing, looking somewhat embarrassed.

After I took this one:

They shuffled off, backwards.

Not surprised, particularly after one of them realised the whole sorry debacle had been caught on camera.

Even Mart now agrees Richmond has its plus points.

Sarcastic swans. Unheard of.

Changing the subject, I can’t believe it’s 2010. Jesus. I would say ‘time flies’, but I’m never one for chucking in the random bird jokes, although I do appreciate it when you send them. Maybe it’s because I can never remember the punchlines?

So – totally big up to one happy decade for the lot of you.

Nice one.

Your pal,

Bri P (and Mart, and everyone else who has agreed to appear in this blog. Happy?)

December 29, 2009. Uncategorized.

5 Comments

  1. Charles Pigeon replied:

    Hilarious story, Brian. I wish you the best in the new year.

  2. Bicoid Babe replied:

    Are geese in the UK jerks like geese in America?

  3. pigeonblog replied:

    Charles Pigeon: Cheers, Sir. The best to you too.
    Your pal
    Bri

    Bicoid Babe: Most of them, particularly the brown ones though, for some reason.
    Your pal
    Bri

  4. Bicoid Babe replied:

    How are the swans? I don’t see many swans near my home, save those in zoos. Also, what do pigeons do for New Year’s in the UK?

  5. pigeonblog replied:

    Bicoid Babe: Swans tend to take themselves rather too seriously. Clearly, this fella is an exception to the rule. Good to see. As for New Year, generally we just hang about and make a point of steering well clear of Trafalgar Square. In fact, the West End is a place to be avoided at all costs!
    Your pal
    Bri

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