Valentine’s Day – Bollocks To It

As a rule, I reckon Valentine’s Day sucks. For me, it’s a day of permanent disappointment as not even a single wink comes my way. Generally, I don’t mind being one of the last remaining single pigeons in London. What I don’t like tho is having my beak rubbed in it every year as hundreds of loved up pigeons fly about the place looking, frankly, a little smug. Ledges everywhere, particularly those with nice views, booked out by pigeon couples who just sit there all day in a sickly manner forced into a moment of togetherness by someone called St Valentine.

Couples like this pair of loosers:

Jesus. Makes me heave.

Saying that, I wouldn’t mind at all if some random sort fancied chucking me an invite… Anyone? Even Mart woke up to a crusty bread bit from a secret admirer. Wtf? Maybe I’ll go get some love tips from Roxy…?

This is Roxy:

Roxy is a rockhopper penguin who lives in London zoo and, even though all the other penguins are paired up, something she doesn’t give a shit about, the offers come flooding in. The zoo even had to give her a postbox to deal with the volume of love notes she expects to receive.  So, what’s Roxy got that I haven’t? Ok, so she’s a penguin with great hair, nice eyes, a wicked sense of humour and a fine singing voice, but really. She’s a fucking penguin for Christ’s sake. She can’t even fly.  Maybe I should get me a wig? Maybe that’s the trick…?

Anyone out there got any tips, let me know. Even though I think Nobby Valentine or whatever his name is was a bit of a cock for coming up with the whole deal in the first place, and probably had no clue whatsoever what it’s like to be single on a day like today, I wouldn’t mind joining in, just once.

If you wanna know more about Roxy – you can watch a video here. Personally, I don’t get what everyone sees in her. Somewhat overweight, walks like a freak, and smells a bit too, apparently.

February 14, 2009. Uncategorized.

7 Comments

  1. Pigeon Rachel replied:

    Mart’s full of shit. Can’t believe you let him make you jealous; he’s lying. It’s so false. “I really love you today”. Not one bloody card. Not even from my mum. Selfish Cow.

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    Pigeon Rachel: Shame. Tbh, I reckon Mart probably put the crusty bread bit there himself. Also,unless it had something in its eye, a nice looking pigeon winked at me today. Nice.
    Your pal
    Bri

  3. Becci replied:

    I’d give you a Valentine if I could! Maybe some nice seeds or bread? Your choice!

  4. RoooRoooo replied:

    I think, Brian, that you hinted at a solution in this article. Roxy is a girl, great hair indeed, single… you are male, greate sense of humour and stuffed to the beak with qualities, single too…
    What about dating her? Penguins can fly, so that won’t look too awkard, and I’m sure soething can be done about the smell. Think about it!

  5. pigeonblog replied:

    Becci: Cheers. I’ll take the nice bread, especially it if comes with seeds in!
    Your pal
    Bri

    RoooRoooo: It’s a fair point, and something that crossed my mind too. Maybe I should go see her next week? Pay her a love visit? See if we hit it off…?
    Your pal
    Bri

  6. Sopwith-Camel replied:

    Roxie is a punk, she can PoGo.

    Strap springs to her feet and she could pogo to the skies.

    (Kinky, I know, but I’m sure some pigeons can be perverted, just like humans).

  7. pigeonblog replied:

    Sopwith-Camel: I say nothing, but the thought of a pogoing penguin is one I shall most definitely reflect on!
    Your pal
    Bri

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