Squirrel Flavoured Crisps

Although I fully support the drive for new and exciting flavour crisps, and clearly favour anything that puts the squirrel back in its place, combining the two is just plain weird. Linda told me about this. Cheers, Linda! It seems Walkers have invented the Cajun Squirrel flavoured crisp. Kid you not. Not sure what makes the Cajun squirrel any tastier than the London urban, but whatever it is, it seems to be working.

You can read all about it here.

An idea came to mind.

“Get back in your pie” has long been accepted as quite a gross put-down in the pigeon world. I’m not sure if the same exists for squirrels, but if it doesn’t, it should. We might not be able to fight them with the kung-fu moves, but I reckon we can beat them with words anyday. Crush them with wit. Mash ’em up with our verbal dexterity. What do you reckon? I did some research, and it seems there are plenty of recipes out there to work from…

How about “Go fry yourself” or, simply, “Get stewed”…

Not bad for starters – ‘scuse the pun.

Mart suggested we go give it a try, so we did. Off we flew to St James’s Park, dicing with death these days.

First squirrel we spot, Mart goes:

“Oi, squirrel mate, you look like a crisp.”

I suggested we might be able to do better than that as the end result was the squirrel just looked a bit confused:

So we tried again. This time, it worked a treat.

Mart goes: “Oi, you, bushy fuck. Season up, mate, coz we’re gonna give you a right good roasting!”

That was it. He was off:

Never seen a squirrel move so fast. Jesus. Mart was well chuffed.

So, that’s it. No longer is it a futile quest to find some obscure martial art, it’s words all the way, and not just mindless asides, but well thought through insults using actual cooking references.

Bring it on.

January 20, 2009. Operation Stop The Squirrel, Uncategorized.

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