Squirrels Up The Anti

Worryingly, and I knew it wouldn’t take them long, but it looks like the whole ‘squirrels getting into Kung Fu’ is starting to take off over here.

Seems they’ve only gone and set up a training camp in St James’s Park. Seeing as squirrels roaming free in large parks is written in the Pigeons v Squirrels declaration, we can’t do jack shit do about it.

Check out the aggressive stance of this cheeky fuck:

Apparently he was practicing the ‘Silent Fence Launch’. A move that, when mastered, can prove deadly for any unsuspecting pigeon passing by going about their daily business.

As a result of observing this and other similarly concerning maneuvers:

I’m no longer sure if a few futile poncy leg kicks from us is going to make any real difference.

Drastic action is called for, so yesterday I decided to go chat to one of the best known faces of the pigeon’s sporting world – Clive (the Dive). Clive is, as far as I know, the only pigeon ever to perfect the ‘Air-Based Backdive’.

This was taken last year just before Clive (right) threw himself backwards:

Seriously impressive.

Anyway, Clive said that diving of any kind probably wouldn’t help either, which threw me slightly.

Back to the drawing board. Then, suddenly, a thought struck, hard. What’s the one thing we can do that they can’t? We can fly! How the fuck that didn’t occur to me before I’ll never know. Squirrel comes atchya with the Kung Fu moves – fly away. Simple as. Take to the air, maybe even shit on his head as a happy finish?

Okay, so some might say flying is a bit of a cop out, but I say it makes perfect sense. All they’ll be able to do is just stand there.

Only got one nagging thought – supposing they’re giving flying lessons at this camp of theirs? Supposing the squirrels of London are learning to fly? Crisp packets for wings strapped to their backs chucking themselves off rooftops. A nightmare thought and certainly not one I’m prepared to dwell on for any length of time.

So, for now I’m gonna pass it on about the flying away idea, tho I suspect someone else may have thought of it first!

December 21, 2008. Operation Stop The Squirrel, Uncategorized.


  1. William replied:

    You could do a flying somersault followed by a spinning poo drop on them squirrels. Kid you not, it’ll stink them to death. Mental.

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    William: A fine idea! Aiming of the shit can be a tad tricky tho…
    Your pal
    Bri P

  3. William replied:

    I’m sure a little practice would do it!

  4. Pigeon Rachel replied:

    Wings and beaks versus legs and tails. Not a problem. And we can steal their babies.

  5. pigeonblog replied:

    William: Believe me, we’ve tried. It’s more a case of luck than anything else…
    Your pal

    Pigeon Rachel: And then raise them as ground based pigeons! Nice.
    Your pal

  6. Annie Mole replied:

    Perhaps someone might think of crossing a squirrel with a bat and then you guys would be in serious trouble!

  7. William replied:

    Poo bombs not that effective?
    Fret not.
    Like Pigeon Rachel has said, steal them babies and get them to infiltrate the squirrel camp.

  8. pigeonblog replied:

    Annie Mole: Now there’s a nightmare thought if ever there was one. Wings as well as night vision. Shit.
    Your pal
    Bri P

    William: Better. In the meantime, I’ll get practicing!
    Your pal

  9. Squirrel Flavoured Crisps « Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] world. I’m not sure if the same exists for squirrels, but if it doesn’t, it should. We might not be able to fight them with the kung-fu moves, but I reckon we can beat them with words anyday. Crush them with wit. Mash ‘em up with our […]

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