Parrots v Pigeons
Ok – so I’m on the mail list for the New York Bird Club. Their newsletter usually consists a load of info about pigeons stuck in letter boxes and the like. However, the mail I got yesterday made a claim worth investigating. It said us pigeons were ‘close avian relatives’ of the parrot. What the fuck? We’re nothing like parrots, apart from anything else, no parrot has ever had a single idea or thought of their own. Just spout everyone else’s the whole time, and then pretend no-one has said it before. Generally speaking, most parrots are wankers.
Anyway, I thought I’d go seek out a couple in London Zoo to see what they thought. Took Mart along for the ride, and also coz he’s not seen Larry for a while.
First up, we met this freak:
Just sat there like that staring at us. Didn’t move.
Then we met this one:
Who appears to be eating a tree.
Turns out they’re all barking. Totally fucking bonkers. Mad as a bag of frogs. Couldn’t get a word of sense out of any of them. Obviously, I’m not suggesting they’re a fair representation of the parrot community seeing as they’re stuck behind bars, but we did get to thinking that maybe the bars were there for a reason.
Tell you what tho, if we were blue and had massive beaks with cute little yellow trims, I bet the free seed would have been flowing. The parrots have clearly gone wrong somewhere.
This is the stuff we have in common, apparently:
“They share such traits such as mating for life, producing a crop milk to feed their young, having a fleshy skin covering their nostrils and producing a powdery down in their feathers and bonding easily with humans.”
First off, mating for life is a no-brainer for any half decent bird, and as for the bonding with humans, I’m really not so sure about that one. Ok, we used to ‘bond’ back in the day, but not any more. I can’t remember the last time a human looked me in the eye, or a dog for that matter.
In conclusion – we’re nothing like the parrot. Not even slightly. In fact, I’d go as far as to say we’ve got more in common with a flamingo than we have a parrot. At least flamingos know how to tell a half decent joke.