A Pigeon That Looks Like…

Russell Brand

Russell: “I say, Pretty Lady, won’t you accompany me forthwith to my feathery bedchamber and lie with me a while?”

Pretty Lady: “Not right now, thanks.”

Russell: “But, Pretty Lady, please simply view my extended chest of plenty and imagine what it might feel like to touch it?”

Pretty Lady: “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not…”

Russell: “Pretty Lady, oh how I admire your strength of will in resisting such powerful temptation and, in my heart, I wish there were more like you able to fight their fiery desires…. That’s it, let me chase you…”

Pretty Lady: “Look, let’s get one thing straight – I am not remotely tempted, nor am I even the slightest bit attracted to you. In fact, I’d go as far as to say you repulse me. Now fuck off and leave me alone.”

Russell: “Ok all you lovely ladies out there, here I am, and I’m all yours…

…Ladies…? Anyone…?”

June 1, 2008. Tags: , , , . A Pigeon That Looks Like....


  1. Becci replied:

    Hahaha, “my extended chest of plenty”. That is exactly what he looks like he’s saying. What a stud!

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    Becci: Doesn’t appear to do him any favours though!
    Your pal

  3. PurplePigeon replied:

    ah hahahah! spot on!!!

  4. Sunflower replied:

    Sincere greetings,

    I happen to come across your blog and your thoughts are beautiful.

    I am a pigeon lover. In fact, I love all animals and birds. May I ask what is the normal life span of pigeons? Does most pigeons passed away naturally of old age or diease?

    Till then, pardon for my ignorance knowlege…and I look forward to your reply.

    Have a most beautiful day…may the birds send you a nice message.


  5. Annie Mole replied:

    Ah Sunflower that is so sweet.

    I worry about Brian’s particular life span though as he drinks too much, eats lots of curies and take aways and I bet has the odd drag on a fag or two.

    All the best,


  6. pigeonblog replied:

    Sunflower: Thank you. That is lovely. Most pigeons do pass away from old age as it goes. Thankfully, and in answer to Annie – I seem to have pickled myself into living longer than most!
    Your pal
    Bri P

    Annie Mole: See above – looks like a spot of the red vinho from time to time is the way to go.
    Your pal

  7. Sunflower replied:

    Sincere greetings,

    Many thanks to Annie Mole and Pigeonblog.

    I am just curious also, how do we know that the bird is of old age or not. I just feel that all birds are rather same in appearance.

    As you have said they do pass away in old age…so the life span when they are in old age is about…? 4 years? 8 years? or 15 years as the same as in dogs or cats?

    Thank you very much. May you always wake up in the songs of these beautiful birds…..


  8. Snowflake replied:

    Hey Bri, how’s it hanging? Was just wondering if you’d been over to London Zoo lately and caught up with Larry?

  9. pigeonblog replied:

    Sunflower: Old age in birds is normally given away by them forgetting things, although that’s kind of hard to tell unless you’re a bird… In a nutshell though, 8 years is kind of a good innings, not that I like to think about it much.
    Your pal
    Bri p

    Snowflake: Yo! Long time no hear. How’s it going? Not seen Larry in a while. Must catch up with him sometime. With all this non-summer malarkey, he’s probably bored out of his tiny little Llama brain!
    Your pal

  10. Sunflower replied:

    Greetings Pigeonblog,

    Yes, many thanks for your reply. Though I take birds as my friends, but at times, I dont have a clue when it comes to understanding these feather friends.

    May we all have a gentle heart who loves beautiful birds of all sorts.

    Have a most beautiful day 🙂


  11. Sunflower replied:

    Sincere greetings to all friends here,

    Its me again and after much thought, I feel I would like to write my feelings here. I hope you all will not laugh at my weakness.

    Recently about this beginning of this month, a group of pigeons were being poisoned by people near my residential area. I do not know if these pigeons were being poisoned by someone who hate animals or by the authority who wish to control the breed of these birds. Before the poisoned of these birds, a cat was being poisoned in the same way. The number of birds who passed away were about 40.

    As I heard of their deaths, name after name, I grew steadily froze. I have become a friend with a black and white pigeon and when I heard that this bird joined the list of the dead, it made me very sad. When human beings passed away of any kind, their family depressed about them. It is sad that humans do not treat birds or animals equally.

    There are always mentally unbalanced people who goes around poisoning animals and feather friends. It is believe that learned men often say the misery of the mentally ill minded people is less painful than ours because they are uncultivated, and they lack of love. Therefore, they do not understand sufferings the way we do. Well I tried to belive that.

    I recited a silent sutra for the dead birds who have gone to a better land. The birds and the cat might have been poisoned and they have lost their opportunity to enjoyed another sunshine day on earth. But these animals are much more happier now than the people who have poisoned them. For all these people who enjoyed their poisoning and hatred acts, their inner feelings are more miserable than a tree or a roadside flower.

    Till then, I sincerely apologised for upsetting the order of your blog.

    Have a beautiful day. Thank you.


  12. Sigg3 replied:

    Got plenty of such romances occurring on my way to work these days. Most of the gals seem reluctant, though, and I suspect a majority of reproductions are done with artificial insemination. Making the males even more cooky.

  13. pigeonblog replied:

    Sunflower: You are a true pal to the pigeons with your lovely words. Wish there were more like you!
    Your pal
    Bri P

    Sigg3: Glad it’s working for you. Do you expand your chest or keep it nicely tucked in? I find my chest remains pretty much the same no matter what I do. Perhaps that’s where I’m going wrong?
    Your pal

  14. Sigg3 replied:

    If I don’t expand my chest my belly is expanded.

  15. pigeonwriter replied:

    Hi Brian Pigeon,
    I just found your blog and must say this little discussion above between the feathered couple is just adorable although a bit vulgar??? :P:P:P
    Now – I am sure I am taking the same role in Munich as you do in London – I want to show that pigeons are totally misinterpreted, completely prejudiced and entirely underestimated.
    I am writing a diary about a pigeon family since end of March of this year when our pigeon mother Emma layed her 1. egg exactly on Easter Sunday! Isn’t this funny?
    Since then we experienced things with our feathered friends which I would not miss for a lifetime!
    What sunflower wrote about is abominable and I can only hope that this kind of attitude towards pigeons does stop entirely.
    I do not understand how on one side the pigeon is the symbol for love and peace and on the other side people do not waste a single thought about what they do to them.
    Greetings from the pigeonwriter

  16. pigeonblog replied:

    Pigeonwriter: Where are your pigeons based? I think you said it was Germany? What’s life like over there for the pigeon generally? From looking at the photos it’s quite nice if they get to live with you, presuming you like having your picture taken. Not that strange about the Easter thing though. It’s a day of celebration for the pigeon too and aiming to squeeze one out on Easter Day is always part of the plan.
    Your pal
    Brian Pigeon

  17. pigeonwriter replied:

    Hi Brian, well – “my pigeons” are based in Munich. In general – life is as it is. People hate pigeons for their droppings and barricade their balconies with nets. Btw – I am using those droppings as fertilizer for my balcony plants which works perfectly. As usual all the prejudices about being infectuous are running around here as well. At least it is not permitted any more (I think) to kill pigeons with poison but there are still worse things happening which make me sad and furious at the same time such as closing holes with plexiglas at motorway bridges while the birds are still inside…
    I have realized that the number of pigeons has decreased dramatically. I really don’t know why. There are some peregrines around my area but those cannot be the only reason.
    I love to have these pigeons on my balcony – they are so funny to watch each day and they are coming back each night to sleep here. I wonder for how long still.

  18. Simonbike replied:

    I love your blog…really. Did you already hear about water on mars? 🙂

  19. Trafalgar Square replied:

    Hahaha… arrived here looking for “Trafalgar Square” and all I get is a pigeon’s romance…. AWESOME!

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