Boris – 1, Ken – 0

Right – with only three days left till London decides who’s in the driving seat, I was beginning to wonder whether either of them actually gave a shit about the pigeon’s vote. Clearly not enough to respond to the emails I sent them over a week ago.

First I’d mailed Ken and asked him if his anti-pigeon stance was likely to change in any way.

This, and several others just like it, is what I got back:

“Dear Brian,”

Ken – for starters, when an email has clearly gone to the whole of London, the personal touch means jack shit.

“Boris Johnson tells good jokes on TV, but there’d be nothing funny about putting him in charge of a £39 billion transport budget and watching our bus, underground, and train improvement plans fall apart. With just three days to go before the election, we have to remind Londoners that the job of London Mayor is no joking matter. That’s why we’ve launched a new billboard today to do just that. We need your help to spread this message to as many Londoners as possible.”

Yeah right. As if. You total twat. Where’s the response to my question?

“Our campaign is giving out postcards and leaflets all over the city, reminding people what’s at stake in this election. We also have volunteers making phone calls to thousands of London voters, reminding them how important it is to vote in this election.”

Would have happily got a load of pals dropping leaflets all over the place. All you had to do was answer one simple question: pigeons – do they stay or do they go?

“Don’t let Boris Johnson have the last laugh on Thursday. Please sign up to spend an hour or two helping our campaign this week. The election is just four days away…”

First it’s three days, then it’s four – make up your mind, you nonce.

“…and since the race is still neck-and-neck, we’ll need as many people to show up to the polls as possible to beat Boris.Thank you for helping us get out the vote.

Ken Livingstone”

That was it. No reference to pigeons. None whatsoever. Not even a ‘thanks for your email, Brian’.

Fucking rude if you ask me.

I’d emailed Boris on the same day asking him to outline his views on the pigeon, and this is what was hit my inbox last night:

“Dear Mr pigeon”

Good start. Nothing like a bit of formality.

“Thank you very much for emailing the Back Boris campaign, and please excuse the delay in getting back to you.”

Even better. A personal reply, a thank you AND an apology.

“I shall pass on your mentioning of pigeons to Boris’ relevant researcher for review. Boris certainly doesn’t believe in wasting tax payers money to pay for hawks and megaphones to scare off the pigeons like Ken Livingstone has done. If elected, Boris will review the current situation and act accordingly. If there is anything else you would like to bring to our attention, please do not hesitate to get back in contact with us. It is vital that we hear from Londoners about the issues that matter to them.”

The fact he sees the whole hawk idea as ‘a waste of tax payers money’ rocks, and is a very good start. Maybe Boris is someone I could work with afterall…

“Yours sincerely, Jason Devan
Back Boris Campaign.”

It even gets the personal sign off by someone called ‘Jason’. Nice touch.

“For a Greater London vote Boris Johnson as your 1st choice for Mayor on May 1st”

I say ‘Go Boris’. Ok – so a reply from you in person would have been better, but at least your office took the time to get back to me on what I consider to be one of London’s hottest topics.

The one person I forgot to email was Brian Paddick, mainly coz he’s a ‘Lib Dem’, whatever that is? Anyway, seeing as he’s having a go too, and he’s called Brian, I got in touch with him just now to see what he was planning to do for the London pigeon. Will let you know soon as I hear anything.

So far though, I reckon it’s got to be Boris all the way.

April 28, 2008. Uncategorized.

7 Comments

  1. Becci replied:

    I say “Go Boris” too–who could possibly be worse than Ken Livingstone? Blech.

    Unless Boris believes poisons or guns would be a better use of taxpayers’ money, I guess.

  2. Anonymous replied:

    Hi Brian- theres no RSS facility on this blog… there should be!

  3. Ken Livingstone replied:

    Hi Brian

    It’s Ken Livingstone here. I’ve been following your campaign with some interest.

    Thing is, Boris is a cock. This is clear to anyone, especially someone of your discerning palatte.

    I am great. I just fucked up the whole traf sq thing.

    Why don’t you come in for a meeting and we will discuss how we can better solve the situation.

    Your blog is too powerful to be ignored.

    Best wishes

    Ken

  4. Pigeon Rachel replied:

    Ken has no idea of the influence you have Bri. Miserable old bastard.

  5. pigeonblog replied:

    Anonymous: Will sort it asap! Can’t believe I haven’t got round to it yet…
    Your pal
    Bri P

    Pigeon Rachel: Totally. Ken – next time a pal shits on your head, think on.
    Your pal
    Bri

  6. pigeonblog replied:

    Anon: Saying that, I just tried to add RSS and it wiped out me archives, and me pages! Will persist!
    Your pal
    Bri

  7. pigeonblog replied:

    Anon: Ok – RSS wise, apparently all you need to do is whack my url in your RSS client and it will work… let me know!
    Your pal
    Bri P

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