In Recovery

At long fucking last my arse has started to behave itself. Never again will I dice with death on a Chinese Takeaway from Slough – see post below. Ali apologised. I said it wasn’t his fault. Mental too as Mart was the one who’d tucked into the chicken. Should have been him struck down with a mortifying emptying of everything and anything. It’s all good now, apart from the obvious soreness which means the rear-end takeoff clench burns like fuck. Bit like how I should imagine it feels to sit on a tealight.

First thing tomorrow me and Mart are heading down to the coast. Remember Desperate Dan? The dude who got blown all the way from London to Brighton? Well, he’s been spotted again. Lost it completely, apparently, and is currently living the life of a hermit in a hole somewhere in the cliffs. Jesus.

Reckon it’s about time for a mercy mission. Course Mart thinks the whole scenario rocks and that rescuing him is ‘just the same as saving your street brother just like they do in the movies’, which was all well and good till he started going, ‘Yo bro’ and saying ‘man’ at the end of every sentence.

If you don’t know the story of desperate Dan – you’ll have to check out the posts below. Normally I would link to them but the guys at WordPress have re-designed their admin pages and it appears the ability to add links has gone down. Eh? Anyone out there know a short cut?

Thank fuck the shit situation’s stabalised though. Would have been one nightmare journey from hell if it hadn’t.

I’d have been all over the place in ‘Shit or Miss’. Could have been Mart’s lucky day.

Have to say, I can’t wait to get off this ledge. I’m sick of the site of it. No offense, Al.

April 5, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. Annie Mole replied:

    I really do worry about Mart. He doesn’t read your blog does he? Please try not to bring him along if we ever meet up cos he just sounds more stupid with every post. Poor thing really, I spose I should feel sorry for him rather than take the piss.

  2. Pigeon Rachel replied:

    I reckon you’ll feel brand new in a couple of days Bri, like a hardcore detox. I hear a dab of vinigar on your bum 3 times a day does the trick (it’s what the asians do apparently). You’re sure to wince a bit at first, but you’ll be numb and leathery in no time. Then you can eat what you like!

  3. pigeonblog replied:

    Annie Mole: Don’t worry. He doesn’t really know the difference.
    Your pal

    Pigeon Rachel: I’ll be rubbing my arse in the first bag of chips I find! Top tip.
    Your pal

  4. Professional Housegirlfriend replied:

    And to think of us have been praying to be hit by the norovirus in time for a holiday in the sun… Send some germs my way, please, or just give me that Chinese Takeaway’s delivery number… Do you think they deliver to Tooting?

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