Possible House Move…

Had a mental dream last night. Dreamt I was massive. I don’t just mean a bit fat like in the pics below, I mean totally fucking giant sized. I was flying over London with my huge pigeon carcass casting a shadow as big as nightime across the whole of Westminster. Must have been something I ate.

Anyway, got me thinking. Maybe living in the West End is starting to stress me out a bit, what with my new-found minor celebrity status and all the unwanted attention. Mart suggested a move to California might be in order? I know I considered it before and decided against it due largely to the jet lag but, Jesus, check this out:

A total luxury pad for the up and coming pigeon complete with open plan living area and wooden floors throughout. Bring it on.

Only snag is, it comes with the bloke in the picture. A ‘returning pigeon fancier’ apparently. This, of course, sheds a whole new light on the matter. He was once a ‘novice fancier’ but ‘gave it up’. Got caught more like.

Saying that, it is a well nice pad, and all I’d have to do is draw him a wide berth and keep my arse out of sight…

Frankly though, California’s not really for me. I’d probably get sick of all the hot dogs, the sweeping boulevards and the sun setting over the ocean. Know what I mean? Give me rainy old cold like a fridge door London anyday.

March 6, 2008. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Publicity Still Options

Is it me, or has it actually been cold forever? Global warming my arse. I say bring on the CFCs. Warm things up a bit.

Anyway, after yesterday’s brutal mobbing I decided to take things easy today. Keep a low profile. Mart suggested I needed a decent publicity still, just in case. So we went off and found a quiet spot.

This is what we came back with:

The ‘ever-so-slightly serious probably on a mission’ pigeon?

The ‘willing to leap into action at any given moment’ pigeon?

The ‘always ready to pose a poignant question’ pigeon?

The ‘in touch with his feminine side’ pigeon?

The ‘keen to be taken seriously as a breakthrough literary artist’ pigeon?

Finally –

The ‘demure and painfully shy but with a hidden comic genius’ pigeon?

Fuck knows.

Then there’s always this:

The ‘windswept way too cold looking off his face slightly pissed off can’t even stand up straight anymore’ pigeon?

It’s true what they say too about the camera adding the pounds. There’s no fucking way I’m that fat in the flesh. I’d be carving me a mean shape if only Photoshop wasn’t such a nightmare.

All good timing too as the PigeOn Club of NYC have asked me to write a piece for their newsletter. The pov of a London pigeon going out to the New York massive. Nice.

Let me know if you have any preferences on the choice of shot coz, frankly, I’ve no fucking idea. Maybe I’ll get me a PR agent? After yesterday’s dabacle probably not such a bad idea…

March 4, 2008. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

Mobbed On Leicester Square

Now this is weird – went down to Leicester Square today for a spot of lunch when suddenly, out of the blue, every other fucker wanted to be my friend.

It was total mayhem:

Coming at me from all directions they were. Wanting to touch me in all sorts of out-of-bound places. One even asked me to marry him. Freak. Another had travelled all the way from Estonia. He reckons I’m even bigger in the Baltics. Jesus.

It seems the word has spread amongst the pigeon world about the Time Out piece. I didn’t think it would seeing as there are hardly any who use the internet on a regular basis. Apparently, one of them caught the print version in article form whilst fashioning it into a pillow

Scary stuff. A frenzied mess off pigeons jumping me from every angle.

I had to throw them a crusty corner in the end just to keep them at bay:

Mart attempted to adopt the guise of a bodyguard, only to be trodden on by the knob with the fat head, which was when we decided to fly for it.

Totally mental. Hopefully it will all calm down a bit. In the meantime, I’m gonna be giving Leicester Square a very wide berth!

March 4, 2008. Uncategorized. 3 comments.

A Pigeon That Looks Like…

Madonna.

March 2, 2008. A Pigeon That Looks Like.... 1 comment.

The Pigeon Of Pure Evil

Got sent this pic by Dan. Cheers for the heads-up, Dan.

He took it in Rijeka in Croatia. He asked me if it might be a relative. Not fucking likely. Check out the eyes of pure evil. There’s alot of anger on those eyes. Reckon even the slightest glance could kill.

Nearly shat myself when I opened it.

Any pigeons out there thinking of visiting Rijeka, don’t. Click here if you’re not sure where it is. In fact, I’d probably keep to a healthy 50 mile radius if I were you in case the fucker ever flies.

On a more positive note:

I have always rejected the idea of advertising on Pigeon Blog as a rule, but felt this could be an exception. A marvelous programme coming soon to Nat Geo on a subject dear to my heart – the genius of pigeons. Pretty fucking obvious if you ask me, but there you go. Really hope they don’t generalise though coz, clearly, not all pigeons are clever. Some are profoundly stupid. Take Mad Mike, for example.

This is Mike:

Mike has no idea he’s even a pigeon. None whatsoever. If they had mental homes for pigeons, he’d be in one. Pretty sad really, and Mike’s not alone.

This is Nuts Nora. Nora sits there all day threatening to jump. Course, she never does.

Frankly, we all wish she would.

Scarily, I’ve noticed a sharp incline recently in the number of mental pigeons, ranging from mild depression to totally fucking bonkers. Alcohol abuse is also on the increase. Worrying stuff. Bet Nat Geo doesn’t touch on any of that.

Unfortunately, and somewhat typically, it only seems to be on in the US. Shame. If one of you over there manages to watch it, can you let me know what happens…? Cheers.

March 1, 2008. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

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