And ‘The Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak of The Year’ Goes To…

Contender number TWO – ‘Overly-large Forehead Small Beak Neck-Like-A-Breadstick Club Foot’. A landslide victory!

Aaron quite excellently pointed out in the comments that he bore a striking resemblance to Sloth from the Goonies…

Spot on. Total spit.

Don’t worry tho Breadstick Neck – help is at hand. I’ll be in touch soon with a list of prizes for you to choose from including major beak reconstruction, foot and toe reduction and even forehead lipo. Cool. Make sure you get back in touch afterwards. Love to know how you get on. Oh, and don’t forget the before and after shots.

Thinking about it, maybe I’ll follow the story and make a fly-on-the-wall reality doc? Call it ‘Changing Faces – A Pigeon Transforms’?

Even better – make it a voting show. At the end of each episode viewers get to vote for which body part they want tackling the following week… Then, when we’re done with Breadstick, we move on. There’s got to be a truck load of ugly pigeons out there who’d be right up for it. I’d have to advertise for volunteers… Maybe stick a few posters up round The Square?

“Beak too short? Lost a foot? Fed up with unsightly tail feathers? Then do something about it!

Email the address below to take part in a brand new reality show – one that’s making the impossible, possible for pigeons everywhere.

Go on – email now…

…and you too could look like this!

Tell you what – why don’t I see how I get on with Bread Head and take it from there.

Oh – also, and only coz it was Christmas last week, I’ve decided to chuck in a free foot trim for ‘Gay Puffy Feather Trouser Leg Straight Body’ – cruel not to.

January 6, 2008. Freeeak of the Week.


  1. RoooRoooo replied:

    Very generous of you as to the foot trim – poor fellow badly needs it though.
    I would love to see that show start up, I would miss the programme for nothing!
    Who ever said that laughing at freaks wasn’t fun was clueless, if you ask me…

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    RoooRoooo: Absolutely! Bring it on!
    Your pal, Bri

  3. Carole replied:

    Hi Brian,
    that’s a truly decent thing to do, these poor things must want to find really small paper bags to hide under.
    Hey Brian, how will you finance this? I mean, we’re talking some serious work here, prob gonna cost a bit, how about donations?

  4. pigeonblog replied:

    Carole: I was thinking I might take up crochet and start making covers for hot water bottes? Either that or start busking perhaps – may be easier… Any other ideas are welcome.
    Your pal

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