The Frank Report

After all the publicity I’ve been getting like the BBC Radio 5 Live interview – see post below – my comedian pal Frank decided he wanted in on the whole blogging thing, so I agreed to let him do something called, ‘The Frank Report’. It was his idea. Him out and about reporting on shit.

For his first one he said he wanted to go talk to the geese in Hyde Park about the issues around getting fat at Christmas. I pointed out that they would probably be fine about it because anyone who’s gonna tuck into a goose would have done it by now, but Frank was having none of it.

This is Frank:

Clearly bricking it and, yes, he is that big.

He told me he wanted to start off on ‘his better side’:

Frank’s ‘better side’, apparently. Jesus.

Then, when a massive goose comes up from behind, he bricks it even more. I point out the goose is probably just getting a bit of exercise. Trying to loose a little excess fat, just in case.

Unfortunately Frank couldn’t think of anything to say, and just stood there.

Then, amazingly, he pulled it out of the bag…

Frank: “So, er, Mr Goose, Sir… might I ask you what it feels like to be a goose at Christmas?”

Goose: “Fuck off. I’m eating.”

Then Frank goes and legs it! Does a runner!


I’d stick to the joke telling if I were you, Frank.

December 29, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. Annie - London Underground Blog replied:

    I really don’t want to be accused of starting pigeon bullemia or anorexia with my comment about his weight, but good to see him coming out of his shell a bit.

    Perhaps Frank could tell a joke of the week rather than trying to interview a goose.

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    Annie: Great idea! He’s a bit short on good ones tho…
    Your pal

  3. Becci replied:

    Aw, Frank is adorable.

    If it makes him feel better, geese seem to be a little ill-tempered no matter where you go. They’re the same way here, though ours are Canadian Geese. (You know, with the black necks and white cheek patches.) Every bit as snippy and rude as the guy Frank encountered!

  4. RoooRoooo replied:

    Ugh. His “better side” makes him look even fatter. And that’s not puffed up feathers. Impressive!

    Can’t he go on a diet or something?!

  5. Pidge replied:

    I love Frank! Let’s see more of him in ’07!

  6. pigeonblog replied:

    Becci: Think you’re right – I’ve never heard a single nice word come out of a goose! Told Frank you thought he was adorable. He was made up!
    Your pal

    RoooRoooo: Totally with you on that one. He reckons he’s off the pies completely now after he saw the pics!
    Your pal Bri P

    Pidge: Frank says cheers!
    Your pal Bri

  7. Squirrel P « Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] Remember Frank as in The Frank Report? Frank who never quite got it together to be the journalistic sleuth he thought he was? Well, turns […]

  8. Happy 2016: Ten Years, A Pigeon. | Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] December 2006 – The Frank Report […]

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