Special Agent Mart Finds Mary

Yesterday, I had stuff to do – Mart was hanging around all bored – so I said he should go undercover to Chiswick – see if he can find Mary. He said he’d only go if he could have the cam. I said fine. Then he said I had to call him Special Agent Mart all day. Jesus. I agreed. Then he asked me if he could have one of those special pens than turns into something else. I said I didn’t have one of those, and to stop being a knob.

Anyway – looks like he scored – big time.

“Oh where is he – the lovely Brian…?”

“He’s got to be round here somewhere…”

“I’ve been looking for him my whole life…”

Tbh, not sure how Mart knew she was saying that stuff as she was quite a long way away. Sadly tho, he never got to talk to her. Right after he took this he dropped the cam down a gap in some decking, and had to ask a sparrow called Stan to help him get it out. For fucks sake.

At least I know Mary’s still in Chiswick and keen to meet. Cool.

Meanwhile, Mart’s still going round calling himself Special Agent and hiding behind lampposts.

Correction: Elf Mandinio has just pointed out that I said Pam when I meant to say Mary. Shit. Really hope I don’t call her Pam when I meet her on Saturday. I’d never get to read her my poem if I did…

June 27, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. Becci replied:

    Are pigeons as impressed by fame as humans? I would think that you’re quite famous by now, Brian, though perhaps not in the pigeon world since I suspect most of you cannot read or use the internet. How has being an internet celebrity affected your interactions with other pigeons, if at all?

    Please continue to keep us updated on your attempts with Pam and Mary, both of whom are just plain adorable.

  2. Julia replied:

    Following up from the Crouch pigeon, I’ve found the pigeon equivalent of the England squad. Here’s Wayne Rooney, a squat semi-ginger pigeon with that smashed-in face, too puffed up with pride for his own good:

    Beckham and Ferdinand, too busy preening themselves and looking posh to play much football:

    Getting a definite Steven Gerrard vibe off this tough guy:

    And I can’t seem to find where that picture of a pigeon with crutches went, otherwise I’d have a perfect Michael Owen.

  3. Blondie replied:

    Becci, i think you underestimate the power of pigeons. Brian can clearly read and use the internet as can many of his peers. It is simply our ignorant human minds that assume we are the only beings with active social lives. Have you never seen Toy Story??

  4. Snowflake t.A.G. replied:

    Us gorilla’s are a bit handy with technology. This despite our chubby digits. Triumph against adversity.

  5. Elf Mandinio replied:

    The only reason my Trev hasnt got a page of his own is cuz his hands arent big enough to work the mouse. He does, however, read the blogs, and often dictated my posts. Pigeons are very much the dominant species of the UK, maybe further afield.

    Buy Mart some dark glasses and a big overcoat. It’l make his day.

  6. Elf Mandinio replied:

    Hang on, i thought Pam was a duck? And mary the pigeon? You said ”Pam is chatting to some of the boys”. Surely its Mary? Sorry to be all nitpicky! But Trev is a simple soul and found it confusing.

  7. pigeonblog replied:

    Becci: Tbh I try to get as many pigeon pals as poss into the whole blogging thing – not much luck tho. Mainly coz they can’t be arsed to master the art of the beak/toe manoevres required to post! I’ll defo keep on the sniff for the lovely ladies – gonna head to Chiswick myself on Saturday on the sniff for Mary…
    Your pal Bri P

    Julia: You rock, pal. Great pics! Let’s see if between us we can get the team… sure I can get a pigeon mate to stand up holding a couple of match sticks…
    Your pal Bri

    Blondie: Totally. I’ll get Mart to take a pic one day so you can check out this beak/toe stuff. It’s tricky but once you get the hang of it, piece of piss!
    Your pal Brian P

    Snowflake t.a.g.: Yeah – those fat old fingers must be a right pain in the arse. How do you do caps???
    Your pal Bri

    Elf Mandinio: Mart has been a nightmare ever since. he picked up a matchbox today and started speaking into it making crackle noises – said it was his walkie talkie. Jesus! You’re so right too – oops – Pam/Mary – this whole love game is confusing. I blame it on Mart. His Special Agent shit was putting me off. Will correct it right now!! Cheers!
    Your pal Bri

  8. Snowflake t.A.G. replied:

    Bri: Caps can be explained in two simple words: Head Wand.

  9. pigeonblog replied:

    Snowflake t.A.G.: Very cool! You obv got punctuation stuff down to a tee as well!
    Bri P

  10. kiranrajthapa replied:

    i am so glad that i saw your peagon tell me more about this i have also pigeon in my house i want to make them more help me

  11. pigeonblog replied:

    kiranrajthapa: Love to help. Tell me more!
    Your pal Bri Pigeon

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