Hollywood, Here I Come!

Was ‘IM’ing with Ali yesterday after the whole website of the week in The Guardian Guide thing – he reckons now I got a couple of inches in the national press I should ‘Maximy the goodness’ – think he meant ‘make the most of it’. Then he said: “I thinks Hollywood is waitings”. Err, Ali mate, isn’t that, like, quite a fucking long way away? Just guessing, but possibly a bit fucking too far to fly…

No, turns out it’s piece of piss. Fuck the wings, use someone else’s! Ali’s mate works at Heathrow and reckons he could sneak me on board a plane saying I’m some shit hot racing pigeon. I said I might be a bit OB for a racer, but apparently they don’t weigh pigeons. Cool.

Slight snag – he says I’ll have to travel in one of these:

pigeon blog pigeon crate

Looks a bit small… apparently they there ‘aint no premier economy for pigeons. Bit rude if you ask me. Anyway, he said he’d get his mate to pad it up a bit with some socks.

One other small point – what happens when I get there? Some slightly overweight random pigeon just rocks up…

Nice one – he’d covered this off too:

“I gots a pal there – Jim the Yank. Works at the airport.”

Jesus Christ. Told Mart. Mart said it was a great idea and wants to come. Not been this excited since I left Hayes.

That’ll be me, sat on top of the Hollywood ‘W’ checking out the boulevards. Bring it on. Just got to sort some shit before I go – get some contacts going etc.

Prob be good to do some flying about stuff – get me bod into shape.

Any LA pigeons out there – get in touch! I’m on my way and would love to meet up…

March 26, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. Amy replied:

    Yo Bri,
    Are you a crazy bird or wot? – No sooner than you tell us about the mofos of pittsburgh shooting innocent pigeons than you decide heading to hollywood is a good idea! Fo Shizzle Brian, have a word. If you are seriously considering your mate, Ali’s suggestion, then i suggest you invest in some pigeon chest bullet proof armour. Might make you a little heavier on yer feet, but if it saves lives then what’s a few lbs among friends? PS – I know a classy pigeon down Beverley Hills Way, she’s got a cushy little nest at Elton’s pad. Sure she’d let ya stay for a couple of nights if you give her due warning.

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    Amy: Your LA bird sounds hot. Cool. If she’s not online though I guess I’ll just have to pop to Eltons and surprise her – unless you can get the word out? Tbh – this Hollywood thing is all a bit crazy. Kind of an adventure though I guess. Body armour – not a bad idea. I’ll get Ali to knock me some up. The weather’s been so shit lately in London, I’m up for it just for a bit of sunshine!
    Your pal
    Brian P

  3. rick pigeon replied:

    whoa, pigeons can like get on jetplanes… how cool is that…i still want to get to london and hang with you brit pigeons, sound like you really got it together over there. except now you got me all psyched up for hollywood. and it’s never winter there, right… i mean we had an easy winter here in new bedford massachusetts, but i would still like to live in a nice warm place

    my problem here is how far away the nearest airport is… i talked to a duck who migrated up and she said, an hour and a half at least. now i know i can fly faster than any stupid duck but even so… an hour and a half, then gotta find someone to get me on a plane, and someone to get me off at the other end… we need limo service to the airport for pigeons, just like the humans have… stupid humans, they definitely set up the world for them and ignored us pigeons.

    ya think your guy at the hollywood end would let me out if i emailed him… i mean, if i could get that to happen, all i gotta do is get someone to get my on the plane down at the providence airport….

  4. pigeonblog replied:

    Rick: Good to hear from you, pal. Always great to get a pigeon online. Right – here’s the rub: plane travel might suck. Maybe a short haul would be fine, long haul – esp with the day/night thing – problemo. Still not sure about the Hollywood idea either… I reckon you should go for London – come on over. Maybe explore the boat thing further? Got a top tip for sea sickness too. Tbh – don’t listen to ducks. They’re full of shit. Normally never been further than the end of their pond. Seriously, come on over. We’d have a ball!
    Your pal
    Bri P

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