Dodgy Throwaway and Another Pigeon Myth Sorted
Sorry – slightly late post due to the fact I’d been up all night with the dodgiest pigeon arse I’ve had in a long time. Went to Ali’s for a throwaway – hit the usual Chinkie – chose the sweet ‘n sour chicken – mistake.
This is what it looked like on the menu:
Which is nowhere fucking near what it looked like in real life. Jesus.
Add to that I was stuck in Slough. Tbh it was probably karma for choosing it in the first place. ‘Do not not eat your fellow bird’. Them’s the rules. Anyway – struggled back along the M4 this avo, shitting all the way. Apologies to those who got it on the windscreen.
Nasty business and reminded me of an email I got a while back from a bloke called Alex. Alex asked me why we pigeons shat on statues – or ‘works of art’ as he called them – debatable. Time to sort out another pigeon myth…
Contrary to popular belief, we hate shitting in public. It’s just we have no say in it. It’s like this; how would you feel if you were walking along and suddenly, out of nowehere, a huge turd just ‘fell out’ of your arse?
We pigeons get no warning, nothing – one minute we’re flying along, the next, out it comes. It’s embarassing and, frankly, degrading. But that’s how it is, and short of wearing pigeon pants, there’s fuck all we can do about it.
So – we figured out a solution to at least deal with the shame up.
What looks worse:
- Walking along the pavement when out of the blue, one drops? This is both unpleasant and looks odd as you have to stop for a min to finish off.
- Having one drop whilst flying? Not nice for anyone below – unless you mean to do it in which case it’s fucking funny.
- Standing, quietly musing, on a statue? A pigeon standing still on a statue doesn’t look odd. Not even slightly.
Obv the statue thing was the only way to go. Sorry, but now you know, not much of a choice.
So, next time you want to give a pigeon a hard time for shitting on a ‘work of art’ – think again and remember, we hate ourselves for it too.