Aren’t Allotments Great?

Bit worried about putting on weight since I stopped flying up and down the M4 – especially since my pal Ryan said I was lookin' 'buff' at the mo – cheers mate – decided to go on the sniff for some quality veg action.

Mart reckons the GI diet is the one to go for. Tbh I quite fancied the Atkins coz you just eat loads of meat and cheese. Frankly, if you wanna keep trim it's fuckin' hard for a pigeon living in London these days. West End throwaways are just too heavy on the shit carbs – bits of MacD buns (never get the meat stuff), rank bags of chips, kebabs without the green bits, the odd dried up falafel etc.

Mart said we could always hit Borough market – loads of veg there. Trouble is it's full of do-gooder organic peace 'n love pigeons, and they're a right pain in the arse when you try to nick stuff.

So – got to thinking – allotments. Allotments rock. Allotments are little square bits of garden that people spend lots of time doing stuff to – like planting random veg. Freaks, mainly. Also, coz each person only gets a very small bit – they tend to stick in as may pointless veg plants as they can – and, you normally get loads of them next to eachother – perfect.

This is a typical allotment:

A typical allotment

Mart's totally up for it. Tomatoes a plenty. Bring it on. At least if we do it once a week, it's better than nothing. Today – gonna head to NW9. Bit of a shlep but looks promising. If nothing else, watching the fuckin' spade wiedling weirdos will be a right laugh.

March 13, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. rick pigeon replied:

    allotments huh? here in new bedford (in the states) there’s no such thing and we pigeons have to fly out to the suburbs, which is a big risk, ’cause the peregrine falcoms are moving back into the area (lemme tell ya, all the human beings are all, ban the ddt, it’s killing peregrine falcons off, but we in the pigeon community are all, ddt is cool. i mean, have you ever seen a peregrine falcon stooping down off a church steeple at 200 mph to kill one of us? scary, all you see is a puff of feathers).

    anyway, those allotments sound good. london sounds good. now i’m thinking of emigrating to the u.k. ya know, there’s a lot of anti-pigeon sentiment over here too, but we’re not as organized as you pigeons in london. you guys rock! new bedford where i live is a port city so i could hop a ship and be over there in a coupla weeks. whatya think? should i come on over?

  2. r.e.wolf replied:

    It’s a veggie buffet!!!
    (Prefer Chinese myself, but no one seems to grow sesame beef where I can get at it.)

  3. pigeonblog replied:

    Rick Pigeon: Jesus christ. At last. A fellow pigeon digging the blog thing. Really thought I was on my own for a while there. Yo! Your story sounds fuckin’ dreadful – ddt, falcons, suburbs – just come from there myself so know what it’s like – and I thought we London pigeons had it tough. One thought – reckon ddt would work on Hawks? We’ve got one scary mother fucker hangs out at Trafalger Square. The mayor of London booked him. Tell you what, if you think it would work, why don’t you come on over. Do it. Bring some ddt and we’ll sort out hawkboy once and for all. Plus – it really doesn’t sound like your gaff is pigeon friendly at all. Not one bit. Mind you, the weather’s shit here. What’s it like in Bedford? I say get on that boat boy and come join the fight!
    Let me know your plans!
    Brian P

    Ryan: Veggie buffet it might be – just not when tomatoes aren’t in season and you get there and it’s just a load of fucking twigs!
    Your pal
    Sir B

  4. rick pigeon replied:

    i checked out the boat thing. thought the stupid boats from here would go to london, but noooo, they go to places like gibraltar and norway and dutch antilles. least, that what the seagulls say but ya can’t always trust ’em.

    btw, it’s new bedford massachusetts, not beford. i think bedford is some other place but i never been there.

    uh oh, i think the human that owns this computer is coming back early, gotta log off — but if ya get a chance, how do you do capital letters, i can’t figure it out. i can do question marks ???? ’cause the key is right next to the shift, but i can’t do other capitals

    oops gotta run bye

  5. pigeonblog replied:

    Rick Pigeon: Big shame on the boat front. Don’t ever trust a seagull – unless he’s called Derek. That’s what I’ve heard. I reckon you should still go for it. Get to Norway and you can always get a connecting boat from there… Not that far. Mind you, Norway’s got loads of snow this time of year – damn cold on the toes.
    On the caps front – it’s tricky. I use the peck method mainly – toe the shift and peck the letter. Takes practice but I’m a stickler for caps and punctuation so I worked bloody hard at it. Got quite a nifty left toe these days – unless Mart’s around in which caes I get him to do it.
    I say get on that boat dude – London rocks – you’d love it!
    Your pal
    Brian P

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