Aren’t Allotments Great?
Bit worried about putting on weight since I stopped flying up and down the M4 – especially since my pal Ryan said I was lookin' 'buff' at the mo – cheers mate – decided to go on the sniff for some quality veg action.
Mart reckons the GI diet is the one to go for. Tbh I quite fancied the Atkins coz you just eat loads of meat and cheese. Frankly, if you wanna keep trim it's fuckin' hard for a pigeon living in London these days. West End throwaways are just too heavy on the shit carbs – bits of MacD buns (never get the meat stuff), rank bags of chips, kebabs without the green bits, the odd dried up falafel etc.
Mart said we could always hit Borough market – loads of veg there. Trouble is it's full of do-gooder organic peace 'n love pigeons, and they're a right pain in the arse when you try to nick stuff.
So – got to thinking – allotments. Allotments rock. Allotments are little square bits of garden that people spend lots of time doing stuff to – like planting random veg. Freaks, mainly. Also, coz each person only gets a very small bit – they tend to stick in as may pointless veg plants as they can – and, you normally get loads of them next to eachother – perfect.
This is a typical allotment:
A typical allotment
Mart's totally up for it. Tomatoes a plenty. Bring it on. At least if we do it once a week, it's better than nothing. Today – gonna head to NW9. Bit of a shlep but looks promising. If nothing else, watching the fuckin' spade wiedling weirdos will be a right laugh.