Keeping Warm

Top night with Ali. Lost in geek chat for hours over a chinkie throwaway. I decided to shit on my guilt and eat Deep Fried Crispy Duck.



Christ it was good. Really good. Ali had to help with the ‘rolling in pancake’. Bit tricky with the toes. Gonna keep it quiet though – some of my best mates are ducks. Well, that’s not strictly true, but I do know a couple.

So – I get up this morning and – fuck me – what a surprise – it’s colder than yesterday. Got to do something about it and fast. Pigeons everywhere will be freezing their nuts off. Thinking abut going to London Zoo to chat to the penguins coz they’ve got it well sussed…

Did a bit of research and it turns out they keep warm because:

  1. They’re bigger – doh – You don’t say. Can’t do much about that one really.
  2. They’re fatter – seeing as there’s no anti-penguin feeding shit going on in the antarctic it’s a piece of piss to get fat. We, on the other hand, find it quite hard. Plus, fishing is kinda tough in London.
  3. They’ve got heat adjustable feet – that so rocks – maybe I can develop some socks (or shoes) that will do the same thing for us pigeons…?
  4. They stand up all the time – so do we and it doesn’t seem to help. They don’t fly though… maybe that’s it – we stop flying and just stand around? Not sure about that one. Could get boring.
  5. They hang around in gangs and ‘huddle’ – welll we hang round in gangs but we sure as fuck don’t ‘huddle’. Poofs.

So – that’s it. Conclusion: fuck all we can do about it. May still go to the zoo for a chat though. Could be a laugh. In the meantime, up the pace on the pigeon fleeces.



March 2, 2006. Uncategorized.

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