Fuck The Cold
Right – that’s it – I’ve had enough of global colding. How much colder can it get? It’s March for fuck’s sake, it’s London and it’s snowing. Not right. Not right at all. The daffs had started to pop up and now they’re thinking: ‘Jesus Christ – must’ve got my dates wrong’. Thankfully Ali’s cyber caff is nice ‘n toasty so fuck going home tonight. Sorry Mart.
Ali, mate, hope you’re up for another chinkie throwaway – on second thoughts, do they deliver??
So – seeing as global colding is looking like it could be a planet thing and not just London I’m thinking of developing a range of pigeon fleeces (probably flog ’em on the same website as the masks…). It’s only fair. People get to wrap up warm, why can’t we? Ok – so we can plump up but, believe me, it only works for 30 secs max and we’re bloody freezing again. Pacing up and down is good, but gets well boring after a while.
Mr Wolf – a pal of mine from North Jersey – reckons it’s so serious over there that he watched a gang of poor pigeon fuckers get dumped on by 0.5 inches of snow. Jesus. We think we have it bad! I seriously reckon these fleeces could sell.
Mr Wolf found me this:
It’s a good start. Not sure whether a fleece-lined pigeon sized hoodie might be better…? Mind you they’ve had some bad press over here lately… wouldn’t want us pigeons to get done for anti social behaviour – we have a hard enough time as it is – plus we love shopping centres! Thinking of approaching Rip Curl or Billabong or someone for sponsorship… got to be a bit street otherwise pigeons just won’t buy them – or rather the cool ones won’t – the Hackney lot might pick up a knock off job from the market, but that’s not who I’m aiming for. Or I could go for the: “Here little fella, have one, it’ll keep you warm” relief effort type approach.
Not sure. I’ll see how it goes.
For now though it’s bloody cold and we pigeons just aren’t built for it. Ever seen an Arctic pigeon? Have you fuck. If anyone’s got any paper napkins handy just leave ’em outside and we’ll pick ’em up and promise never to shit on your garden again.