Bird Flu: A Simple Solution

Yesterday I hit the West End with Mart and the new pigeon cam on the hunt for some Tourist Pigeons – pigeons trained in the art of tourist management. Got some great pics, but back to bird flu.

Like I said before, no-one has ever seen a pigeon with so much as a sniffle, not even slightly, never mind full blown fucking flu. Still, we thought we should probably take some precautions, so me and Mart came up with this:

A simple mask, modeled here by Pam who suffers from chronic asthma and normally has to steer clear of flowers, especially at this time of year.

We’re so fucking chuffed with the results, we’re gonna send a full spec to Mayor Ken (Livingstone).

To be honest, I do think we need to act fast. Panic’s starting to spread and us pigeons are already getting weird looks on the street:

Also got news from France that the chickens are out partying, hard. Looks like they may be getting a bit of a break for once:

“The $7-billion-a-year French poultry industry had been battered even before the appearance of bird flu. An initial, ultimately unfounded, avian flu scare last fall had already reduced chicken sales and consumption. The recent confirmation of the arrival of bird flu cut poultry sales by as much as 30 percent.” New York Times International

News is spreading fast and the turkeys are even talking about the possible cancelling of Christmas…

“As mayor, I will defend the good reputation of our chickens, which are known throughout France and Europe. We have to avoid a Hitchcock psychosis.” said Pierre Rolland, the mayor of Loué, a poultry-producing town southwest of Paris.”

Thanks for defending your chickens Monsieur Rolland but, to be honest, I think this Hitchcock psychosis could be the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to us birds.

February 26, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. Kristina replied:

    I think the gas mask is a fabulous idea – I’m glad someone thought of it for you guys. Humans are so self centered – we’re so worried about catching everything and most humans don’t give a damn for the birds that are all sick.

    Think of it! You all have to drink out of the same water, you eat off the ground – how unsanitary is that?! There needs to be lots more feeders. Maybe even pigeon friendly diners.

    I miss the pigeons in in North Jersey. I hope someone else shares their lunch with them now – I’d hate to see them lose their awesome rotund pigeon shapes – they were quite splendid. And friendly! In a city like that, no less – I do hope they get some nice masks before the BF makes it to the states.

    Have you thought about making a website to sell them on?

  2. Kristina replied:

    The face masks are a fabulous idea, I think. Humans are terribly self centered when it comes to things like that; we’re all so worried about becoming ill we forget what the poor birds have to go through! It’s just awful – you all have to eat and drink from the same ground and fountains and such. Some needs to come up with nice, sanitary pigeon diners, I think!

    I just hope someone still feeds the lovely pigeons in North Jersey so that they can keep their wonderful rotund shapes. I often shared my lunches with them – plumpest dears I’ve ever seen in the US; just darlings… and friendly too! One never expects that in cities over here.

    Have you considered marketing your masks on a website, perhaps? I think they’d do quite well!

  3. pigeonblog replied:

    Kristina: Thanks for the ongoing support and I think the idea of sanitised pigeon diners is the absolute nuts. I reckon I could get some serious support for the idea too. Chatting to mates yesterday it seems Ken’s evil ‘don’t feed the pigeons’ plan is already kicking in. ‘Give Pigeons A Chance’ is my new catchphrase! May well look into selling the masks online too – another great idea – for now just gonna do a bit of free distribution to mates in high risk areas (eg. Trafalgar Square). I’m also developing a range of protest merch (watch this space). I haven’t forgotten your baby pigeon question either…
    btw do you think you could get me any pigeon contacts in North Jersey. They sound right up my street. Love a bit of plumpness me. The birds round here all tend to be a bit on the scrawny side(no offence).

  4. Pigeon Blog - STTSP - You So Rock! replied:

    […] Sent them this too – my solution. Maybe they’ll go for it and help out? So – Mr Roger Highfield – so called Telegraph ‘Science’ Editor – go back to fuckin’ school coz stories like these are a load of old bollocks. We pigeons do not get colds, sniffles, sore throats, headaches, coughs or anything like that. Ever! […]

  5. Bird Flu Hits The UK / Turkeys Everywhere Shit Themselves « Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] if you’re a goose, a duck, a turkey or a chicken though, so me and Mart got thinking about the protective mask idea from ages […]

  6. polo replied:

    Très drole, le masque!!! Quel humour ces anglais…

  7. Jayne Gaskin replied:

    Brilliant keep it going. Humans are so very silly say my piggies. Canaryjayne.

  8. pigeonblog replied:

    polo: Merci Monsieur!
    Ton pal Brian P

    Jayne Gaskin: Yo Jane. Damn straight! Your piggies know the score!
    Your pal Bri P

  9. crysis 3 download replied:

    I read this post fully about the comparison of most up-to-date and earlier technologies,
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  10. Pigeons Everywhere Jump For Joy | Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] think the mask idea was good. Maybe I can adapt it for chickens? Food for […]

  11. Apple Touchscreen iPod? Cool! | Pigeon Blog replied:

    […] Do think mobile’s the way to go though. Mailed Scoble for some advice. Means I wouldn’t need to do this whole ‘fly in fly out’ thing at Normans. Woudn’t need to give a shit about pain in the arse feather drop anymore. Just loads less hassle all round. I could see my pics straight away, post when I want to, would really help with things like my ‘Give Pigeons A Chance‘ campaign… prob mean I could keep on top of the bird flu issue better too – maybe even get some real publicity going for my simple solution…? […]

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