Not a lot going on since the Pigeon Olympics came and went, along with the summer, so I thought I’d give you a classic Freeeeeeeak of the Weeeeeeeeeeeek. Found it the other day. Unbelievable.
Surely this can’t fly?:
More Pigeon Olympics news to follow. In the meantime, had to post this. Could be either a Freeeeak Of The Weeeeeek or A Pigeon That Looks Like…
Not done one of these in a long time, but reckon this permed up freak deserved a right proper outing:
Feel free to shoot me if I ever stroll out looking like this.
Farbeit for me to post two freaks in a row, but seeing as this is the first full working week for anyone out there who works, I thought this might cheer you up.
Make you realise there’s always someone out there worse off than yourself:
Nothing but one big body.
Pigeon Olympics suggestions continue to flood in. Still figuring out what we can do with the parallel bars though other than stand on them? A favourite of mine so far is the ledge sitting event. Find a good ledge, and sit on it for as long as you can. Sweet. Think I might win that one. Cheers for the suggestion, Paul. Will post the short-list soon. It’s raising quite a lot of interest from potential competitors in the pigeon world too. Formation standing keeps cropping up, particularly from a group from Bath who call themselves the Bath Formation Standers. Think I might do well in that one too, although they do say it’s a ‘highly skilled event requiring stamina, precision and intense concentration’. They sent me this as proof:
I’m not convinced.
Moving on. I used to do something every week called Freeeeeak of the Weeeeek where I would post pictures of the freakiest pigeons I could find. Believe me, I found some right fucking howlers. Pigeons, frankly, not fit to be called pigeons.
I’m thinking of starting it again. Seeing as the pigeon seems to be having its day, which is nice, suddenly there are pictures of total and utter mentalists appearing everywhere. I’d like to dedicate this one to RoooRoooo who always loved the weekly freak. RoooRoooo, this one’s for you, pal:
Never laughed so much in my life. Jesus. Where’s its head? Thinking I might invite it to take part in the 100m sprint. Could be a genius.
It’s been a while, but check this mother out:
That is one hirsute pigeon. Never seen anything like it.
Talk about letting yourself go.
Time for a good waxing methinks.
Fucking hundreds of them. Kid you not.
Easily the largest single collection of total and utter freeeeeeeaks I have ever seen.
What surprised me the most is they appear to show no shame.
It’s the stuff of nightmares, I tell you.
Check it out.
Warning: the following clip shows scenes of a most disturbing nature that some of you may find both frightening and unsettling:
A mistle thrush, apparently:
Say no more. Jesus.
Check this out. Not one, but two of the freakin’ freakiest freak pigeons ever:
Can’t even bear to look at eachother. Hardly surprising. Saying that, judging by the bewildered confusion in the eyes of the one on the left, I’m not actually that sure they know where they are…
And as for the one in next door cage clearly wishing he was anywhere else but next door to that going: “Don’t come near me. Don’t speak to me. Don’t even look at me.”
Yet again, it’s been a while, but just had to share this one. Jesus. Was looking around for shit about whether or not the pizza offers any nutritional benefit whatsoever, when I came across this. Can’t remember why as I’m pretty sure it doesn’t do pizza. In fact, looking at it, I’m not entirely certain it eats at all, ever. How the fuck could it with no fucking beak and a neck like a feathery pitta? Unless of course it extends it in a swan like fashion which, judging by the pissed look in the eye, I suspect it doesn’t:
And what the fuck is going on at the back? Put it away, you total and utter knob.
Not done one of these in ages but figured this total and utter freak deserved a right posting:
It’s called an ‘Oriental Frill’ and comes complete with poncey feathered leg warmers.
Hilariously, not only does it appear to be minus beak, it’s also totally clueless when it comes to existing in the outside world and will carry on walking in whatever direction you point it in till either you tell it to stop, or it hits a wall.
Now if that’s not deserving of a Freeeeeeak of the Weeeeeeeeek award, I don’t know what is.
Right – not done one of these for a while – but figured this total and utter freak deserved an outing, particularly as it’s called a ‘German Beauty Homer’:
A ‘Beauty Homer’? What the fuck?
My arse produces better looking things than that on a more than regular basis.
No wonder the dude in the cage behind is looking the other way. Must be shitting himself.
Contender number TWO – ‘Overly-large Forehead Small Beak Neck-Like-A-Breadstick Club Foot’. A landslide victory!
Aaron quite excellently pointed out in the comments that he bore a striking resemblance to Sloth from the Goonies…
Spot on. Total spit.
Don’t worry tho Breadstick Neck – help is at hand. I’ll be in touch soon with a list of prizes for you to choose from including major beak reconstruction, foot and toe reduction and even forehead lipo. Cool. Make sure you get back in touch afterwards. Love to know how you get on. Oh, and don’t forget the before and after shots.
Thinking about it, maybe I’ll follow the story and make a fly-on-the-wall reality doc? Call it ‘Changing Faces – A Pigeon Transforms’?
Even better – make it a voting show. At the end of each episode viewers get to vote for which body part they want tackling the following week… Then, when we’re done with Breadstick, we move on. There’s got to be a truck load of ugly pigeons out there who’d be right up for it. I’d have to advertise for volunteers… Maybe stick a few posters up round The Square?
“Beak too short? Lost a foot? Fed up with unsightly tail feathers? Then do something about it!
Email the address below to take part in a brand new reality show – one that’s making the impossible, possible for pigeons everywhere.
Go on – email now…
…and you too could look like this!
Tell you what – why don’t I see how I get on with Bread Head and take it from there.
Oh – also, and only coz it was Christmas last week, I’ve decided to chuck in a free foot trim for ‘Gay Puffy Feather Trouser Leg Straight Body’ – cruel not to.
Just to kick the New Year off in the way we wish to continue – here’s a couple of right total and utter FREAKS sent to me by Carole. Cheers, Carole!
Tell you what – why don’t you vote for the one you want to win in the comments and I’ll make sure it gets a prize? I’m thinking facial surgery, or perhaps a complete body makeover? What do you reckon? At the very least, three complimentary therapy sessions.
Here’s contender number ONE. Pissed myself:
And this is contender number TWO. Pissed myself even more:
So – what’ll it be…?
Contender number ONE – ‘Gay Puffy Feather Trouser Leg Straight Body’?
Or Contender number TWO – ‘Overly-large Forehead Small Beak Neck-Like-A-Breadstick Club Foot’?
I know it’s tough, but there can only be one winner. Let me know in the comments. Alternatively, if you feel openly declaring your views on the ugly is in any way shameful, you can always email me – brianpigeon AT gmail DOT com.
The vote for Freak of the Week is on. Nah – fuck it – let’s make it ‘Freak of the Year’! Probably the only sense of achievement one of them will ever get!
Back by popular demand, and especially for Rooo Roooo:
A total and utter fucking no question about it freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak.