Snow Gone. Time To Move On…

As always happens in London, the snow all came and went in a couple of days. Up to our knees we were in a slushy nightmare. Anyway, sledging was fun even though all we managed to do was tow each other around a bit. Turned out that carrying a foil throwaway box in the air any distance was too much like hard work. Good times, unlike now. Really not much going on in London at all these days. As far as I can make out, there’s not much happening this year full stop. Flat as a soggy pancake.

2012 was all about massive amounts of tourists and parties, and then there was the Olympics and my stint at Time Out. This year, nothing. Nada. Fuck all, so I’m considering moving to Brighton. Been there a couple of times and there’s a pretty good scene going on.

Put it this way, this was the biggest laugh we’ve had since the snow:

Eating shit off the floor in Waterloo Station, and that was only because it was pissing down. Hardly comedy genius.

At least in Brighton you can get yourself a nice sunny-aspect ledge like this one and stare out to sea all day:

Bit of coastal meditation could do me the world of good. Change my perspective a bit. Get the old creative juices going again, especially if I can crack the comedy scene down there. Heard the pigeons in Hove have got a great night going on under the pier on a Wednesday.

For a start, I know I’d write a whole lot more because I’d actually have something interesting to write about.

I mentioned the idea to Mart who was right into it soon as I mentioned the word ‘explore’. He said he’d love nothing better than to spend his days exploring just like in the film, ‘The Explorers’. Jesus.
Anyway, watch this space.

January 30, 2013. Uncategorized. 8 comments.

Pigeon Sledging. Bring It On.

So, this is it. The snow’s here, big time, and there’s more on the way. In fact I think it’s doing it again now. Thankfully I managed to escape the slush of Central London by swapping it for some lush white powder in Richmond. Good move. Plenty of room under the bridge, and we even got fed yesterday. Kid you not. Richmond is definitely the place to be when it snows.

This was me, yesterday:

Good times, despite the cold feet. Jesus they were cold!

Mart’s just suggested an activity for today. Possibly the first genuinely good idea he’s ever had. Sledging in the park using an empty throw-away box. Ideally one like this:

He’s off right now with a couple of pals hunting one down. Should be easy enough to get it up there with a few of us. Watch this space. Or, if you’re out and about on the slopes of Richmond Park, watch out for a bunch of pigeons on a tin foil sledge.

Bring it on!

January 20, 2013. Uncategorized. 12 comments.

Pigeons Protest Against Starbucks Spikes

It’s been a while since I posted, but that’s mainly because I’ve been busy. No excuse I know, but it’s true. First off, I’m thinking of moving and have been looking into potential destinations. After all these years struggling in London, I reckon I’ve had my fill. There’s just too many of us with not enough throwaway to go round, and when I read the other day about that BBC hawk chewing on a pigeon, that was the final straw. The odd stray one accidentally downing a pigeon because it’s hungry, fair enough. Showing off in front of a load of BBC staff however – not on. Why do the BBC need hawks anyway? Trafalgar Square, I sort of get it seeing as it used to be such a hang out, and still is, but we don’t even like the new BBC building. It sucks arse. The only pigeons who go there are either star spotters hoping to catch a glimpse of Bruce Forsyth, or they’re lost. Give it up, BBC. You’re not that great.

Another nail in London’s coffin is the lack of decent ledges. Back in the day there were plenty to go round. Now, no chance, especially in the West End where they’re strictly on a first come first served basis, and spikes have clearly come down in price because every fucker appears to be getting them.

Yesterday, I found some pigeons finally making some noise about it outside Starbucks on Carnaby Street:

Bring it on.

I spoke to one of them. Debra from Dulwich (left):

“I can’t believe how many spikes there are these days.” She said. “They’re everywhere. It’s especially hard if you’re a larger pigeon like me who needs a slightly wider ledge…”

She went on to say they intend to sit up there every day until the spikes are removed. Fair play, although I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen any time soon.

January 11, 2013. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

2013 – Pigeons Already Considering Migration

As last year came to its inevitably soggy conclusion it looks like 2012 is officially the wettest on record. You don’t say. Frankly, things had better improve in 2013 on the weather front. There’s already talk of a new migratory policy and it’s only January 2nd.

The only snag is, how do we do it? All those in the know, i.e. all those that fuck off every year, have already fucked off, so it looks like we’ll have to wait till the spring when they come back to get the low down.

We just need some detail. Where to go? How far is it? Best en route stop-offs etc.? I’m sure we can make it to Morocco at the very least. Who’s with me?

Any of you in any doubt, just take a look at this poor fucker sifting through a pile of wet sick on a Monday morning:

Enough said.

Anyway – Happy New Year!

January 2, 2013. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

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