Top Ten Hobbies For Pigeons

Sorry for the earlier error. Accidentally stepped on ‘publish’ before it was finished. Twat. Also decided to go Top 10 hobbies for pigeons rather than Top 5. Too many good ones to ignore.

Cheers everyone for some great suggestions. Since posting about it I’ve not only been trying a few myself, I’ve been testing them out on some pals. Not all of them got it. A few actually said that they were quite happy standing around all day doing nothing. Fair enough. Anyway, here you go. My absolute favorite Top 10 (in no particular order).

  • Dove Bombing – where you find a random dove and dive bomb it. Arrogant fucks deserve it.
  • Stair (or Step) Hopping – a handy one in London with there being lots of them around. Also good for keeping fit. Could expand it to racing up them or doing it backwards? Could also knock out the stairs and just do some hopping.
  • Parrot Gliding – go to Richmond Park, find a parakeet, wait for it to take off, then hop on and see how long you can stay on for. I recommend ear plugs for this one though. They make a dreadful noise at the best of times. Imagine what they’d sound like with a pigeon on their back.
  • Cow / Horse Back Riding – as above, but on a cow or horse. Jump on and see how long you can stay there for. May be easier to sit on the head so you can hang onto an ear? Possibly even use it to steer? Could work?
  • Rambling – love this one. Dead simple. Go to somewhere you haven’t been before, preferably outside the M25, and just walk around a bit.
  • Mud Wrestling – a great one for this time of year when there’s plenty of it around. I can strongly recommend the banks of the River Thames at low tide.
  • Skating – a few of you suggested this one. This is something I’ve tried  few times. Bloody hard, especially on a busy organised rink like Somerset House. If it’s your first time, I’d suggest giving it a go on a quiet puddle somewhere. Get the hang of it first.
  • Put On A Play – doing some kind of public performance is always a winner not only for the pigeons taking part, but also for those watching, providing it’s good of course. Nothing worse than sitting through a bad one. If you’re interested, just be sure to join a group who know what they’re doing, take The Kentish Town Players for example. Here they are performing a battle scene from Shakespeare’s Richard III last year:

Impressive stuff.

  • Nearly there. Here’s one from Mart. I had to include because I said I would – Baking. He suggested, with Halloween round the corner, we could start with some gingerbread witches. Jesus.
  • Finally, and my personal fave, Nut Nicking – This is right up there for me. Nicking a squirrels nuts. Bound to piss them right off. Could also be adapted to Nut Nipping where you nip a squirrel in the actual nuts. Providing you get good purchase, this would piss them off even more:

“Awwww. Me nuts!”

October 17, 2012. Uncategorized. 15 comments.

Hobbies For Pigeons

I would apologise for not posting for a week, but I won’t because this time it’s not down to the rain. There’s just nothing going on. Not a thing. I’m sure it’s because we’ve all had such a fun-packed summer full of sports and partying that suddenly, now autumn has kicked in and it’s all over, the world feels a bit flat. What the fuck am I going to write about? Today I flew to Oxford Circus, sat on a lamppost for a while, and flew back. Not very interesting, is it? I considered writing about what I’d been eating, but I bored myself with that one too. Jesus. Today I found a raisin outside Sainsbury’s. Well good for you, Brian, you dull fuck.

It’s not just me. Everywhere you look there are bored pigeons desperately clinging to anything they can find to make their day interesting.

For example, take Vince from Bayswater who said he’d been toying with the same piece of chocolate for nearly two hours now and was starting to go slightly mad:

Not surprised.

I asked him what made him turn to the chocolate?

“Boredom, mate. I am well and truly bored out of my fucking brains,” he said. “Ever since the crowds left and London got wet and dark again, sweet FA.”

Hobbies. That’s what we need. Something new to learn. Something to get us excited again. Mart suggested water-skiing using lollypop sticks. He reckoned he’d met a goose called Lucy who’d be happy to tow us. Twat. As if that’s going to catch on in winter.

Finding something for pigeons to do in the months ahead is my new mission. Seeing as it’s also the time of year when obesity starts to spread, including some sort of exercise based activity would be good.

I told Vince to ask around. See if any pigeons he knew had any suggestions, but I think he was so obsessed with his piece of chocolate by this point he wasn’t really listening:

So let’s get our heads together to help pigeons like Vince fight the boredom.

Decent hobbies for pigeons to keep us active both physically and mentally.

Any suggestions, let me know. Your input would be much appreciated.

October 9, 2012. Uncategorized. 23 comments.

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