Right. We’ve Had Enough. It’s Official.
I think I can speak for anything that breathes when I say we’ve all had enough of this relentless weather. Really. I know I’ve been accused of banging on about the weather in the past, but what we’ve got now warrants more than a bit of banging. Jesus. Me and Mart have been stuck under Waterloo Bridge for what feels like an eternity. Last night a bunch of sparrows from Wandsworth decided to have a sing along. Fucking irritating and highly inappropriate. They sang various hits from the musicals. The final straw was ‘The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music’. If they try it tonight I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop myself from sticking their annoying little beaks together with sellotape.
I reckon we might even end up postponing the Pigeon Olympics. Kid you not. There’s no point whatsoever when it’s pissing down. No fun at all.
There are depressed pigeons everywhere. Kid you not. It’s what happens when you don’t get any sunlight.
Found this lot yesterday. They’d flown all the way down from Aberdeen last week for the Pigeon Olympics:
Was about to interview them when one of them said: “Didne hink th’ weaither woods be as bad doon haur as it is up thaur” WTF? It was like he was from a different planet.
Thankfully, another one spotted me struggling and stepped in to translate. I’d already asked him to repeat it twice. Apparently it means: “Didn’t think the weather would be as bad down here as it is up there.”
Then he goes, “Wa woods anyain want tae bide haur?” meaning “Why would anyone want to live here?” and that’s coming from a pigeon from Aberdeen. Fair play though when we find ourselves up to our knees in July.
Hopefully the sun will come out soon and all this will all seem like a bad dream.