The Return of ‘Boot Sale Bertie’

Here’s a story that totally freaked my head out. Julia dropped a link to it in the comments. Cheers Julia! Freaked me out so bad I couldn’t bring myself to look at it again, till now.

Boot Sale Bertie’s back. Jesus Christ. Last I heard she’d fucked off on a boat to Africa hidden in a crate of second hand mobiles. Then – all out of the blue – she pops up again, in Devon. Nearly had a fucking heart attack.

Looks like she’s well settling down with her next victims too – the Moor family from Topsham.

“Mrs Moor, 40, said: ‘We went to a car boot sale and this pigeon kept following us about. The chap who owned it said he’d had it for a year. He asked if we wanted Bertie.”

Yeah – right. Couldn’t wait to get rid more like. Thank fuck he saw the light, unlike the Smiths in Wakefield back in 1997. They too fell for the teary pigeon wandering around a Car Boot Sale going: “I’m a sad and lonely pigeon with no home to go to and no-one to love me” routine. Mrs Smith ended up moving to a remote island in the Pacific to count sand while Mr Smith stayed behind to set up a travelling termite circus.

I asked around a bit and, apparently, it had all started out the same way. Nice friendly ‘house-trained pigeon’ moves in, giving it loads of nice. ‘House-trained’? Eh? No-one ever questions how the fuck it got ‘house-trained’, just like no-one ever questions why they start going on strange outings to places they’re not remotely interested in – places like ‘The Donkey Sanctuary‘.

“She guards the house and goes on outings with us, riding in the car and then flying home on her own if she gets bored.”

Jesus Christ. Can’t you see? It’s her. She’s the one making you go on all these ‘outings’. That’s what she does. She uses some kind of hypno technique which forces her victims to take her on endless boring outings. The Smiths ended up visiting Blackpool every Saturday for five years just because Bertie liked to sniff the shrimps. Blackpool every week, for five years. Think on.

This is one of the pics from the article – worryingly, I think it clearly shows Mrs Moor in the early stages of the trance like state brought on by Bertie’s hypnotic stare. A state that can often last for hours, or even days.

And this one is even more worrying…:

Mr and Mrs Moor and family, if you’re out there – get rid of Bertie, NOW. Don’t hang about. Stick her in a shoebox and send her to the Moon. Boot Sale Bertie is bad news and not to be trusted under any circumstances.

You can read the whole sorry story here.

January 21, 2008. Uncategorized.

4 Comments

  1. RoooRoooo replied:

    Are you sure it’s not a he? I had Bertie Wooster in mind. Pip-pip!

  2. pigeonblog replied:

    RoooRoooo: I’m not so sure it isn’t a bit of both…
    Your pal
    Bri

  3. Jayne Gaskin replied:

    Brilliant blog Brian. You will go to piggie heaven for making me laugh so much. Coo-coo for now and tweet-tweet from the canaries!

  4. pigeonblog replied:

    Jayne Gaskin: Coo coo backatchya, and cheers for the nice words.
    Your pal
    Bri P

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