Mart’s New House
As the weather decided to stay sunny, me, Mart and some of the boys headed back to London Zoo at the weekend. Seeing as chocolate makes us puke, it’s the best way to spend Easter.
Suddenly, Mart spots ‘the perfect pad':
Mart: “Bri – reckon if I sit here long enough someone’ll chuck me a banana? Eh? Reckon they’ll think I’m a special Zoo Pigeon? Maybe one that’s come all the way from Birmingham?”
Me: “Not sure being from Birmingham is enough to make you a ‘special Zoo Pigeon'”
Mart: “Ok – how about Manchester?”
Then Lionel decides to move in:
Lionel: “Do you think it might be okay for me to live here too? Or maybe just stay over once in a while?”
Mart puts on his best cowboy accent, gives Lionel the evil, and goes: “Look, pal – this place just ‘aint big enough for the two of us. Now get your feathery arse off my roof before I blow it off.”
Then I point out his place could do with a bit of a face lift… unlike Stan’s:
Stan was well chuffed, unlike Mart, who was gutted.
‘A stunning and contemporary one bed apartment with its own private entrance. Situated in a peaceful rural location, this spectacular space benefits from wooden floors throughout and magnificent views of…’
…the world famous ‘happy monkey of London Zoo':
Mind you – probably forked out a fortune for his pad and suddenly it looks like a load of London pigeons are moving in next door. Tough shit, pal.
Then Mart spots the sign – pissed ourselves:
‘Where have all the birds gone?’
Hmmm – I wonder. Could it be the grumpy monkey fuck living next door?
Give me my Soho roofpad anyday. Not a monkey in sight!