Mental. Just heard from my old pal Rooo Roooo – said he was in Amsterdam at the same time. Shame it was such a last minute thing. We could’ve hung out and ‘beaked the weed’ together…
He sent me this cool pic of a pigeon in Amsterdam:
Reckon he’s well stoned – totally out of it. Check out the look in the eye. Nice.
Cheers Rooo Roooo – next time eh!
Sorry for the lack of weekend posts – just got back from the best mini break – doing it large in Amsterdam. Got chatting to Jurgen – a dutch pigeon who rocked up in Soho last week – he reckoned Amsterdam’s the place to hang – loads of birds gagging for it, free grub pretty much whenever, and, when you’re lucky, weird dried up bits of grass that make your eyes go funny. Cool.
So – got up at the crack of arse on Friday and winged it down to Harwich – fucking long way – got a ferry to ‘The Hook of Holland’. Hung out with a couple of seagulls for a while, till I got bored. Decided to stay on the boat all the way just in case ‘The Hook’ was some kinda anti-pigeon device – can’t be too careful these days. It wasn’t. It was just a place.
Did some research before I left – found a top site – Dutch Pigeon Stars. Think that might be Smurgen De Wonder Duif on the homepage? Not sure though. Don’t remember his neck being that big…
Anyway – hit the dock and winged it straight to The Dam – another long one! Thank fuck for multimap – would’ve been stuffed without it. Literally, probably.
Amsterdam really is a very cool place. Loads of canals. Everyone’s really chilled and loves the pigeon. In fact, they love them so much they get them to operate the locks, apparently. Fucking cool.
Got chatting to this crowd:
That’s Lurgen on the right – keeping watch.
And this is Nurgen taking five in between rotations:
One serious dude. I wanted to give it a go but I’d just found a bit of that grass stuff and couldn’t stand up anymore. They said several pigeons die in the canal each year trying to open locks after beaking van het onkruid (beaking the weed) – not nice.
Cruised down ‘the red light district’ – no pigeon lights anywhere. Shame. Never mind – too out of it anyway. Came back on the ferry last night – had to kip in Harwich – couldn’t be arsed to fly.
Nuts time. Knackered now tho. Defo gonna take Mart. He’d love it. Managed to bring him back a bit of space cake throwaway. Just left him spinning round loads in a phone box waiting to turn into SuperMart. Jesus.
This is the last pic I remember taking:
The rest of Lurgen’s crew post a spot of ‘beaking’ – totally out of it. Cool!
A pal, Ryan, sent me a story about dead pigeons falling from the sky in some freaky town called Texacarna in Texas – apparently ‘marring the city’s annual festival’ by dropping dead after eating some poisoned corn from the roof of the local bank. Scary shit, and all a bit weird if you ask me.
First I thought it might be a mass pigeon protest suicide pact – not the first time – then I read this:
“The company, which hired Anti-Pest Co. Inc. of Shreveport, Louisiana, said its goal with the treated corn was to sicken pigeons, so they would leave the rooftop. Death was sometimes an unfortunate side effect, company president Jarrod Horton said.”
‘Death was sometimes an unfortunate side effect.’ What the fuck? Side effect… eh? If that’s a ‘side effect’ what’s the fucking full on effect?? Anyway, I don’t believe for one second they wanted a bunch of sick pigeons staggering around puking everywhere. Side effect my arse.
The whole thing started coz some poor dude couldn’t hold it in anymore and shat on a customer. Jesus.
Pigeons of Texacarna – I reckon you should get a mass fly-by together and cover that bank in shit. Literally. Do it everyday till it can bank no more!
Cheers for the story, Ryan.
Ok – so after he passed out and Doug stopped sniffing his arse, Trev wanted to check out where the PM goes when he’s not on holiday – The Houses of Parliament. Full of freaks. Not been there since the fly-by of ’97 when Labour fucked off the Tories. Top laugh. Shit falling everywhere.
Anyway, here’s Trev in front of Big Ben:
The bongs went off just after I took this – so nearly fell off – hilarious.
Here he is outside the tube station, not that we went by tube – way too hot:
Mart and Trev were saying they wanted to start some kinda pigeon parliament. Do stuff like deal with Ken, sort out the anti-pigeon vibe etc. I thought it was a top idea till they started chanting ‘Power to The Pigeons’ and ‘Fight for the right to shite’. Jesus.
Finally the weather stopped being shit and it got sunny again, so me and Mart took Trev up the West End. Trev’s our ex-postie pal from the North who came down to see us couple of weeks back. Never been to London before. Trouble is it’s been too rainy to get him out and about. Top day today tho.
Here he is with Hoxton Elliott who rocked up to meet him:
And here he is with some of the Brixton boys tucking into a sarnie – even managed to find him a poncey London one with sundried tomatoes:
Bless him tho – he got a bit over excited about it all… and passed out! Pissed myself. Here he is with Mart trying to bring him round:
He was fine in the end – typical tho, actor pal Doug got into the whole ER thing and kept on propping him up from behind…
That was until Trev said: “Fuck off mate, you’re freaking me out”.
Remember ages ago I nearly went for a job as a Correspondence Assistant? Thank fuck I couldn’t be arsed.
Check this vid out. Pissed myself.
Cheers for sending it, Simon! He reckons ‘no pigeons were harmed in the making of this video’.
Top stunt at the end too. Quite fancy giving that one a go… stunt pigeon… the chicks’d love it! Food for thought.
Found this today: Pigeon Hotel.
How fucking cool is that? All they need to do is stick one of the prossie pigeon lamps in the window – see post below – pigeons would flock like crazy. Check out the little cutie bottom right. Gagging for it! They’ve even got a landing ledge with booking window. Cool. Reckon they should get one to strut up and down, couple of cheeky looks over the wing… mmmm.
Sorry for the lack of posts – Norm decided to get the decorators in. Fuck knows why coz his office is the size of a match box. Tbh he could probably have done it himself with tip ex. Anyway, was gonna head to Ali’s in Slough till I got this yesterday from Sally the B.A.P. reporter.
This is Sally:
“Dear Brian. I wouldn’t go flying about today if I were you. I just did, and it was so windy I nearly blew into a tree. I also heard there were a couple of near misses over the M4. Kind Regards, Sally.”
Cheers for that one, Sal.
Mart’s been bored shitless. He’s been hanging out with his new pal Trev playing super heroes. It all went weird though when he found a paper napkin in the road and decided to make himself “the best invisible cloak”. I haven’t managed to get a pic of him yet – but he totally thinks it works. The other day he and walked straight into Starbucks so he could shit on the floor for a laugh – only made it as far as the front door before he was almost knocked unconscious by a blueberry muffin.
And here’s another one of Sande’s pals. Turns out Sande’s from Australia, not the US – which explains alot. Australia is full of freaky killer shit – spiders, snakes, sharks and… FUCKING GREAT GIANT PIGEONS:
Jesus Christ. She caught this one staring through her window the other day. Scary shit – live off sheep, apparently.
Finally, Fritz and Patricia sent me this. Cheers guys!:
A really fucking gay pigeon lamp.
Not sure why it’s only got one leg and has to stand on a peg with a tube hanging out of its arse… if you wanna buy one – go here. It’s only 55 quid and comes in grey, black, pink, orange and yellow. Lovely.