Sande, a pal from the US, just sent me loads of pics of pigeons that visit her house. I just mailed her to see where she’s from coz this one got me thinking:
Check out the pointy hat and the spooky eye. Totally freaky and looks like it could be a ‘Harry’ – named after Harry Potter – mainly coz of the pointy hat. Word on the street is just one look can turn a pigeon to stone. Scary stuff.
Then I got this:
Poor fuck. Still there, apparently.
A pal to the pigeons, Jayme, sent me these.
Well cool vids he made of some seriously lucky pigeon dudes in Atlanta, GA, USA.
Check them out:
Jesus what a life!
Thinking I might get myself on the the next flight – Atlanta’s obv the place to be – total paradise for the pigeon! Mart’s already packing his kit!
Jayme, pal – you rock. Cheers for sending them!
Right – got sent this story from Monica. Cheers for the heads up Monica!
It’s about how some piece of shit band called The Scissor Sisters are doing a gig in Trafalgar Square – as if that wasn’t bad enough…
“organisers are now frantically recruiting 10 birds of prey to ensure that the square’s notorious pigeon population does not ruin the show”
Eh? What the fuck?
First off – here’s what the Scissor Sisters look like:
No fucking need to bring on the hawks – wouldn’t go anywhere near it anyway, unless it was to shit on their amps for a laugh!
Anyway, just coz they said they’re gonna bring on the hawks, I’m gonna get a load of pals along for one massive swoop down fly by. Either that or just sit there staring at them cooing our nuts off.
So – September 16th – get yourself down there – gonna be a right laugh.
Apparently “they’re relatively unknown in their native US”. No fucking wonder if they’re that rude when they gig over there. Probably word got out and everywhere they went they’ve been persued by flocks of angry pigeons, which is why they ended up here.
Well, you fucked up retro freaks – you ain’t seen nothing till you’ve seen a bunch of pissed off London pigeons! Bring it on.
Bit of a nightmare at the mo – Norm – the guy who lets me use his computer – he’s gone to ‘the Costa Del Sol with the kids’. Eh? What the fuck? Nightmare. Keep flying up and knocking my brains out on the window.
Anyway, decided to fly to Ali’s to get a post in. Ali’s my Slough mate who runs a Cyber caff.
Fucking funny trying to get his pic tho – here are his poses:
‘Hello. How can I help you…?’
‘Grrrrrr… I mean business…’
Anyway – he reckons Langley stinks! I pointed out this could be explained by the fact there’s one serious shit farm up the road…
Thanks anyway, Ian. Keep up the good work!
Fucking funny yesterday – went out to meet Elliot and the boys – he had a mate with him, Phil. Anyway, turns out Phil’s scared of heights. Kid you not.
This is him trying to get down off a wall – Mart nearly got it on the head:
“Woah – Jesus – Arghhhhhhhhhh… Help meeeeeee”
“Watch out bellllllloooooowwww – arghhhhh – Jesus… arghhhhh”
“Fuck me – made it. Sorry mate.”
Pissed myself – check out the look on Mart’s face too.
That wall’s as high as he goes, apparently…
Jesus. Up to my eyeballs in B.A.P. ‘Up for it’ pigeons rocking up from all over. Last weekend Sally went to Walthamstow to do her report. Sounds like she had a right weird time of it – ended up at Walthamstow Dog Track…
She reckoned there were loads of freaky dogs like this:
Even worse, they were wearing poncy fucking waistcoats chasing a rabbit with a stick up its arse. Jesus Christ.
Pollution wise tho, Sally said: “Surprisingy, Walthamstow smelt ok, till I got to the dog track.”
Cheers for that one Sally.
So – I’ve been busy making plans for Trev. Trev’s a mate who’s coming to visit all the way from ‘Up North’ – wherever that is…
This is Trev:
Bit of a blogger himself, he got in touch a while back. Now he’s on his way down to ‘do London’. Mart’s wetting it.
He’s into the B.A.P. thing and totally anti the whole ‘just send pigeons up there and hope for the best’. Dude. Bring it on.
Right – since that da Costa bird’s gone and sent her fucked up pigeons into the polluted skies over San Jose, it seems my alternative pigeon friendly ‘Simple Sniff Test‘ has started to take off. Literally.
Angered by the idea of forcing us up there like da Costa did, loads of pals are sending me their reports after I put a shout out for pigeons everywhere to just sniff where you live, and let me know what it smells like.
No cameras, no flying right into it – just have sniff, and let me know.
Since I launched it a month ago there’s been Eric in Stoke Newington:
All of them are up for being Pigeon Blog B.A.P. reporters. Gonna do them ID cards and everything. Sally said she’s off to Walthamstow at the weekend and will let me know what it smells like when she gets back. Cool.
Then, yesterday, Mart says he wanted a go and went off with Bernie.
Only got as far as Oxford Street, and came back with this.
Bernie next to a puddle:
“It’s been raining in The West End”.
For fuck’s sake.
Any more pigeons out there wanna give it a go – just send me a pic and your report to brianpigeon AT gmail DOT com.
Here it is – Michelle’s tote bag – she loves the tote:
Nice one Michelle!
Anyone else want a tote – go here.
Right. Me and Mart were out and about today and guess what, we found Mary. Fuck me. There she was looking lovely as ever sat in the daisies.
Took this. Would have been a great shot if Mart hadn’t got his fat arse in the way:
Anyway, I did her my poem:
Mary, Mary, Mary,
You make my eyes so starey,
Like rain that falls on a summer’s day,
I wish that we could go away… somewhere…
Oh Mary, Mary, Mary,
Please don’t you be wary.
Just know that I ‘aint lyin’,
When I say you got me cryin’…,
All I wanna be to you,
Is your ever lovin’ Brian.”
by Brian Pigeon
Mart pissed himself, and Mary went all shy.
Made me want her even more.
So – the Brian Against Pollution campaign continues.
New recruits popping up daily with their ‘does it smell where I live’ reports.
This is Donald – comes from Blackheath:
He reckons it’s well nice round Blackheath these days. No pollution whatsoever.
Not sure I’m with you on that one Donald, but thanks anyway.
Top game. Big favourite of the pigeon when the sun’s out. Tossing a chip as far as you can using only the beak.
This is me, pissing myself after Elliot’s shit go.
Got sent this story from KTF. Happened outside the Castle Museum in York.
“Here are two of the 20-strong mob of geese that were arsing around, giving it large, hissing people into surrendering bits of sandwich, biscuit etc. “
“…these two pigeons appear from out of nowhere, sidle up beside the geese and pretend not to notice them”.
Fucking brave as.
“…all of a sudden it’s four versus one. The goose calls out for help but the other 19 have fucked off to the car park!”
“…five versus one. The goose doesn’t fancy it and legs it. People can enjoy their ice creams and sandwiches in peace again. Fucking heroes.”
Damn straight. Cheers for the story KTF – totally pissed myself. If you ever see those dudes again – tell ‘em I think they rock!
Remember Tigeon Pigeon of Montreal? The one with the ‘friend’?
Here he is with two of them:
Called Poulette 1 and Poulette 2 apparently…
Tigeon – if you ever feel you wanna get away from it all – I’m here for you, pal.
This is what happened yesterday – word got out there were spinnies to be had in Hyde Park – shit loads of us rocked up.
This was the result – fucking tragic:
Carnage. Check out Mike at the back – couldn’t even stand up. Elliot – right – staggering all over the place. Then Tim – left – he fell asleep with his head facing the wrong way. Fucking funny. Pissed ourselves.
Feel like shit this morning tho… and Mart’s prob still wandering round talking to the tress!
This is Sally from Acton.
She reckons it smells loads nicer in Acton since it stopped being so hot. Bit shit round the Shepherds Bush area tho, especially where the Uxbridge Road hits White Lane. No surprises there.
Cheers Sally. Keep up the good work.